The Greybeards of PXL Invite You to Join
Our 56th Noble Grand Humbug Dale "Top" Turner
For Our Fall Doin's in Bakersfield, we're calling
September 21-24, 6022 (2017 C.E.)
The Brothers of your favorite Piss Poor Bear Wrassler, Peter Lebeck, are proud to announce our 56th Annual Fall Doin's, "Clamp Okihi IV - Octoberfest Along the Kern River, Clamper Style." As a Brother in good standing of the Ancient and Honorable Order of E Clampus Vitus you're invited! So head on up to Bakersfield for a weekend of major decompression at of our favorite Clampsites. We're even allowing early arrivals this trip, but space is limited so sign-up or miss out. The links below will guide you to everything you want to know. Our early pre-pay discount ends September 15th. --MGM
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Preregister and Save $15!
Brother, one of the best weekends to be had in all of Clamperdom can be yours for as little as $65, plus $75 for your PBC, but your dust must be in our hands one week ahead of our Fall Clampout to get this special rate. Use Paypal and we'll honor this price as late as September 17th but snail mail applications must be postmarked no later than Friday, September 15th. After that it's $80, and we won't care if you're Sid, an XNGH or Joe Szot's dog made you pee on your Procs -- No exceptions!
Both your dust and an application form are required to secure your spot at this most satisfactory doin's. To register fill out and return our Infallible Fillable Flyer or use our handy electronic form below. We'll accept your dust by mail or Paypal. And remeber, regardless of how you sign-up, if your jackass gets sick, just call or email us at Registration@ECV1866.org before the start of the weekend, and our GDR will make sure you're comped for next time.
ECV Brothers who are on Active Military Duty who preregister by the prepay deadline get in free. Just mention it on your registration form and make sure to bring along with your military ID and a copy of your current orders.
All Chapter Hawkers are welcome to ply their goods. But be prepared to do some trading.
Sponsors should include a waiver form for each of their PBCs. Redshirts should include one for themselves if we don't already have one on file from a prior doin's. These waivers are an ECV wide policy imposed by Grand Council to help keep E Clampus Vitus alive into the 21st Century. Click here to read the waiver.
Are you a PBC paying separately from your Sponsor? No Problem! Just make sure to include your sponsor's name on the memo portion of your check or in the Paypal comment box. Postmark or Paypal by the deadline to get the early discount. After that, it's $80.
You can mail your application and rub to our Recorder/Assistant Gold Dust Receiver at: Peter Lebeck #1866, c/o Mark “Scoop” Mutz GNR/Asst. GDR, 300 Breckenridge Avenue, Caliente, CA 93518, You can also Email your application to Registration@ECV1866.org, and use our Paypal Portal by clicking --><-- here.
CLAMP OKIHI IV SCHEDULE OF EVENTS SO PAY ATTENTION!
Thurs, Sept. 21: Welcome early arrivals! Gates opens at 1400 Hours (2:00 pm), but you're on your own for lunch and dinner.
Fri, Sept 22: A day to learn why no one calls it "Septemberfest!"
7:00 am: Silly Redshirt, the gates opened yesterday but if you get here any ealier thar 7:00 am the fish will make you do a pole dance. Don't forget your fishing license!
10:00 am (aprox): Your chance to "Join the Circus." Help Flintstone and Boulder set up our kit and they'll give you a cookie.
4:31 pm: Early check-in at the check-in table.
5:00 pm: Our Humbug hosts his Wunderbar Octoberfest Meet 'n' Greet at Der PXL Tittegarten.
6:03 pm: Herr Airdale breaks out the sauerkraut and other German delights: An Octoberfest dinner to propel your weekend!
7:12 pm: PBCs must present themselves to the Hangman for survival instruction by the NGH and VNGH at the PXL Tittie Bar.
8:15 pm: Oktoberfest celebration Clamper Style. Lederhosen contest, German poetry, redshirt tales & karaoke.
PBCs should get a good SOBER night's sleep. Saturday is going to be a loooong day.
Sat, Sept 23: Clamping with the Brothers doesn't get any better than this, but please...no yodeling,at least, not yet.
5:59 am: All PBCs report to the cookshack for our XNGH breakfast preparation/bonding ritual. PBCs will be Clean & Sober -- NO EYE OPENERS! Sponsors will enforce compliance. From here on in, PBCs who drink anything alcoholic prior to the Hall of Comparative Ovations will be denied Entry!
7:30 am: Potluck Breakfast - We provide the EGGS! You bring sausage, ham, potatoes, tortillas, salsa, bacon, etc. Our XNGH cook team will prepare a meal guaranteed to cleanse your colon.
8:11 am: PBC & sponsor check-in at the cookshack.
9:06 am: Redshirt check-in at check-in table (No Grub-stub, no meals). No Kiddin'.
10:43 am: Our Historian will impart an ECV History Lesson to our would-be Brethren - All Redshirts are welcome.
Noonish: Lunch at the Cookshack!
2:33 pm: PBC interrogations, entertainment, bribes, presentations, tomfoolery, etc.
5:33 pm: Dinner - Steak oe chicken à la "Airdale" with his Clamper beans & other vittles for your enjoyment. Your colon will thank you -- in Deutsche!
7:11 pm: Necrology Ceremony (if needed) & Hall of Comparative Ovations (HOCO).
8:03 pm: Raffle and Fireside fun - Stories, jokes, male bonding, pass the bottle and the usual BS.
Sun, Sept 24: The dreaded "morning after."
7:00 am: A continental breakfast at the cook tent. Aspirin & Rolaids for those who survived.
8:09 am: Camp clean-up. Everybody helps, from XSNGH to XPBC!
10:06 am: Drive back to the widders and orphans. But do it SOBER!!
The Brothers are reminded that all PBCs are guests of PXL, and PBC harassment is not allowed at any time by anyone other than our Hangman and his Vigilantes. PBCs are invited to meet and party with the Brothers on Friday, but from the time of their arrival PBCs will remain under the exclusive control and protection of our Hangman. No Exceptions!
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"OUR HANGMAN SEZ!" Special PBC Requirements
ALL SPONSORS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FOLLOWING:
All PBC's must check in with our Grand Imperturbable Hangman Andy "Grimmy" Grim upon entering the Clampsite. On Friday night at 8:03, all PBCs and sponsors in camp must report to the cookshack for survival instructions from the Hangman and inspection by our Humbug and his Vice. Sorry, no Retreads this trip.
Any infirmities that might affect your PBC's ability to do moderately physical tasks MUST be disclosed to the Hangman. Vertigo, bad knees, bad ticker, alergies, claustrophobia, diabetes, all that stuff counts. No Exceptions! Failure to disclose could result in sheepskin denial and suspension of the PBC's sponsor.
Our initiation is not an endurance test! If you have a friend who wants to join PXL but has health issues we will figure out a way to get him through the initiation, but a failure to disclose a PBC's health problems endangers your PBC, it endangers us, and is not appreciated by anyone except those that want ECV® to go bye-bye.
ALL PBCs must have a bribe and a five minute historical presentation for our Board of Inquiry. Also PBCs may not wear RED until after completing their sacred ordeal. Finally, membership is open only to men 21 or older with good attitudes. These rules provide for the safety and fair treatment of your friend. As his sponsor it is your responsibility to make sure that he complies. Our initiation is a mind f**k. Do as you're told and no one gets hurt.
ALL PBCs ARE ADVISED:
That from the time of their arrival all PBCs are guests of the Brothers of Peter Lebeck, ECV and will be under the protection and control of our Hangman & his Vigilantes.
As is our custom at PXL, PBCs may fraternize with the Brethren on Friday but must show good attitude and submit to the directions of the Hangman from the time of their arrival, including being of service when so instructed by our Hangman.
All PBCs in Camp on Saturday Morning must report to the Cookshack as instructed for Kitchen Duty on pain of foregoing initiation. Last call for PBCs that did not join us on Friday is 8:02 a.m. Saturday morning. PBCs must be knowledgeable of all educational materials provided to them, especially the Handbook, be prepared to stand and deliver before our Board of Inquiry, and remain sober throughout the initiation. No Exceptions!
PXL adheres to all Grand Council Rules which will be strictly enforced. It will be a clean, but memorable initiation as befits our Honorable Order.
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These are the Rules--So Read 'em!
RULES FOR THE WEEKEND- read & follow them: We are guests of the Kern County Department of Parks and Recreation, with which we have a great reputation, and we'd like to keep it that way. Make sure your diggin's are clean when you leave, avoid running over the sprinklers, and keep your music down in the evening to avoid complaints from the neighbors. Well behaved dogs are OK this trip, but be prepared to crate them and clean up their doo-doo. You are also welcome to make use of the fire rings, but due to park regulations NO BURN BARRELS WILL BE ALLOWED. Propane heaters are OK, but it's Bakersfield in September, who needs 'em?
DO BRING: Drinking water, shade, raffle/auction prizes, water buckets, firewood for the communal fire ring, stuff for Saturday's potluck breakfast (but not eggs), libations for yourself and your Brothers, good PBCs, ideas for PBC games, trash bags. Please bring personal hygiene items for the ladies and toys for the kids at the women's shelter in Bakersfield. Also, don't forget your fishing pole and fishing license!
DON'T BRING: Burn Barrels, dope, firearms, explosives (including females), eggs, weaponry, anyone under 21, pissy PBCs or any of the usual No-Nos. Violation means expulsion without refund. So, don't risk it. This applies to EVERYONE!
ALL PBCs must have a bribe for the board and an historical presentation, as well as their dust. PBCs will submit to the authority of our Hangman upon entry to the Clampsite and remain under his control through the Hall of Comparative Ovations. There will be absolutely NO PBC Harassment on Friday Night, and "No Retreads For 6022."
NOTE: This chapter respect and adheres to the rules of the Board of Proctors of E Clampus Vitus®, Inc.
REMEMBER - The PXL bar has snacks, sodas, iced tea and water. Want more? Bring it yourself.
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So You Want Directions?
Clamp Okihi is on the north side of the Kern River. If you're crossing over from Bakersfield the bridge is 6 miles west of the park. It's a bit tricky so pay attention!
From the North: Take Highway 99 south to exit 29, the Norris Road exit. Norris Road will take you under the freeway and then east. Just past the airport at Airport Drive, turn left. Go north 4 blocks to China Grade Loop and turn right. Continue east for 10 miles. China Grade Loop becomes Round Mountain Road. The driveway to Camp Okihi will be on your right just past Cottonwood Creek Road.
From the South: Take Highway 99 north to exit 26A, keep right at the fork taking Highway 178 east for 4.4 miles to the Mt. Vernon Exit. Turn left onto Mt. Vernon and continue for 1.8 miles until you reach a fork that will take you towards Oildale. Continue on until you reach a T-intersection then turn right onto Round Mountain Road. The driveway to Camp Okihi will be on your right just past Cottonwood Creek Road about 6.2 miles from the T-intersection.
From the East: Take Highway 178 west to the Mt. Vernon Exit. Turn right onto Mt. Vernon and continue for 1.8 miles until you reach a fork that will take you towards Oildale. Continue on until you reach a T-intersection then turn right onto Round Mountain Road. The driveway to Camp Okihi will be on your right just past Cottonwood Creek Road about 6.2 miles from the T-intersection.
Clamp Okihi, 13801 Round Mountain Road, Bakersfield, CA 93308 (Gate opens Thursday at 2 p.m.).
GPS Coordinates for Clamp Okihi: 35° 26' 30.8" (35.4419°) north. 118° 53' 56.4" (118.899°) west. Elevation: 495 feet (151 meters).
For more information contact:
Al "The Quack" Price, NGH (661) 867-2414 or email@example.com
Mark "Pokey" Crawford, VNGH (661) 993-7907 or Crawford562@Yahoo.com
Myrl "Doc" Wallace, Clampatriarch (805) 937-0156 or BigWallace@comcast.net
Mike "MGM" Ramirez-Mares, Cyberrecorder (818) 517-8781 or Cyberrecorder@ECV1866.org