The Greybeards of PXL Invite You
To Join Our 53rd Noble Grand Humbug
Charles "Al VII" Topping
For Our Spring Doin's at ROCKING JA RANCH!
May 1-4, 2014 (6019 C.E.) -- Yep, Four Days!
Welcome Brother! Join Peter Lebeck for our Annual Spring Doin's, May 1st through 4th, at the Rocking JA Ranch, in Walker Basin, California. This year we've made arrangements for our Brothers who would like to come on out on Thursday, May 1st to start the party early. Food-wise you'll have to fend for yourselves on Thursday (hands off the cattle, but help yourself to the jack rabbits), but you can also expect the usual fine PXL cuisine come Friday Night and for the rest of the weekend.
So please, check out this internet version of our Doin's flyer, and hopefully we can entice you up to the mountains for one of the best Clampout experiences in all of southern and central California. As you scroll down this page you'll find everything you'll need to know and to sign-up for this very special weekend. Download PXL's Infallible Fillable Flyer. Get the skinny on the rub, schedule, directions; learn about our Hangin', and Charles's Do's and Don'ts. We even have a way for you to register and pay online.
Click on the red arrow to continue.
Preregister and Save $10!
Register and prepay by Friday, April 20, 2014, and your cost is only $55 per Redshirts and $75 per PBC. Snail Mail your application to the address below or email us your completed fillable flyer which you can sign at the doin's. Either way we'll accept your dust by way of a check or Paypal payment, just make sure you're dust is in our hands by April 25th, or pay the extra $10! We don't care if you're Sid, an XNGH or Joe's dog peed on your Procs -- no exceptions. It's $10 more at the gate.
ECV Brothers who are on Active Military Duty who preregister by April 20th get in free. Just mention it on your registration form and make sure to bring proof, like a copy of an official email showing your current orders, along with your military ID.
All Chapter Hawkers are welcome to ply their goods. But be prepared to do some trading.
A waiver form must be submitted for each PBC. Redshirts only need to submit a waiver if we don't already have one on file with PXL. These waivers are an ECV wide policy imposed by Grand Council to help keep E Clampus Vitus in existence so click here to read the form. And don't forget to preregister! It keeps us from having to jack up the price of our doin's, but if your jackass happens to get sick, just call or email our Recorder before the start of the weekend, and he'll make sure you're comped for next time.
Mail your application and rub to: Peter Lebeck -- E Clampus Vitus, Box 384, Bakersfield, CA 93302.
SCHEDULE OF EVENT IMPORTANT S**T TO CONSIDER:
Thu, May1: Gates open for the land grab at 2:00 pm. You eat what you bring.
Fri, May 2: Relax and enjoy life in the country.
7:00 pm: "DH" will have Cajun jambalaya for your farting pleasure. The rest is up to you.
8:12 pm: All PBCs must present themselves to the Hangman for survival instruction along with their sponsors.
9:15 pm: Another "Yucca-off" commences!! Shake, slurp and stumble.
Sat, May 3: A great day of Clamping with the Brothers...
7:20 am: Potluck breakfast - We provide the EGGS! You bring sausage, ham, potatoes, tortillas, salsa, bacon, etc. Our XNGH cook team will prepare a meal guaranteed to cleanse your colon.
8:11 am: PBC & sponsor check-in with our Hangman at the cookshack. PBCs will be Clean & Sober.
9:06 am : Redshirt check-in at the bar (No Grub-stub, no meals). No Kiddin'.
Noonish: Enjoy the "Humbug's weenies" - lunch at the cookshack.
2:33 pm: PBC interrogations, entertainment, bribes, presentations, tomfoolery, etc.
4:44 pm: Necrology Ceremony (if needed) & Hall of Comparative Ovations.
6:01 pm: Dinner- steak a la Timbo, with his Clamper beans & other vittles for your enjoyment.
7:15 pm: Fireside fun - Raffles, stories, jokes, male bonding, pass the bottle and the usual BS.
Sun, May 4: The PXL version of "The Walking Dead."
7:00 am: A continental breakfast at the cook tent. Aspirin & Rolaids for those who survived.
8:09 am: Camp clean-up. Everybody helps, from XSNGH to XPBC!
10:06 am: Drive back to the orphans and widders. But, do it SOBER!!
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Special PBC Requirements
ALL SPONSORS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FOLLOWING:
All PBC's must check in with our Grand Imperturbable Hangman upon entering the Clampsite. On Friday night, at 8:12, all PBCs and sponsors present in camp must report to the cookshack for survival instructions from the Hangman.
Any infirmities that might affect your PBC's ability to do moderately physical tasks MUST be disclosed to the Hangman. Vertigo, bad knees, bad ticker, claustrophobia, diabetes, all that stuff counts. No Exceptions! Failure to disclose could result in sheepskin denial and suspension of the PBC's sponsor.
Our initiation is not an endurance test! If you have a friend who wants to join PXL but has health issues we will figure out a way to get him through the initiation, but a failure to disclose a PBC's health problems endangers your PBC, it endangers us, and is not appreciated by anyone.
ALL PBCs must have a bribe and a five minute historical presentation for our Board of Inquiry. Also PBCs may not wear RED until after completing their sacred ordeal. Finally, membership is open only to men 21 or older with good attitudes. These rules provide for the safety and fair treatment of your friend. As his sponsor it is your responsibility to make sure that he complies. Our initiation is a mind f**k. Do as you're told and no one gets hurt.
ALL PBCs ARE ADVISED:
That from the time of their arrival all PBCs are guests of the Brothers of Peter Lebeck, ECV and will be under the protection and control of our Hangman & his Vigilantes.
As is our custom at PXL, PBCs may fraternize with the Brethren on Friday but must show good attitude and submit to the directions of the Hangman from the time of their arrival, including being of service when so instructed by our Hangman.
All PBCs in Camp on Saturday Morning must report to the Cookshack at 6 a.m. for Kitchen Duty on pain of foregoing initiation. Last call for PBCs is 8:11 a.m. Saturday morning. PBCs must be knowledgeable of all educational materials provided to them, especially the Handbook, be prepared to stand and deliver before our Board of Inquiry, and remain sober throughout the initiation. No Exceptions!
PXL adheres to all Grand Council Rules which will be strictly enforced. It will be a clean, but memorable initiation as befits our Honorable Order.
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These are the Rules--So Read 'em!
RULES FOR THE WEEKEND- read & follow them: This is a working cattle ranch. If you open a gate, close it!!!!! Keep your dogs in the Clampsite and away from all livestock. Fires are allowed only if conditions permit, and then only in containers. A phone is available for emergencies but you will be out of cell range so plan accordingly. This is a dry camp, so bring LOTS of WATER!!!
DO BRING: Water, shade, firewood, raffle/auction prizes, stuff for Saturday's potluck breakfast (but not eggs), libations for yourselves and your Brothers, good PBCs, ideas for PBC games, trash bags. Please bring personal hygiene items for the ladies and toys for the kids at the women's shelter in Bakersfield.
DON'T BRING: Dope, firearms, explosives (including females), eggs, weaponry, anyone under 21, pissy PBCs or any of the usual No-Nos. Violation means expulsion without refund. So, don't risk it. This applies to EVERYONE!
ALL PBCs must have a bribe for the board and an historical presentation, as well as their dust. PBCs will submit to the authority of our Hangman upon entry to the Clampsite and remain under his control - retreads included! There will be absolutely NO PBC Harassment on Friday Night!
NOTE: This chapter respect and adheres to the rules of the Board of Proctors of E Clampus Vitus®, Inc.
REMEMBER - The PXL bar has snacks, sodas, iced tea and water. Want more? Bring it yourself.
Click on the red arrow to get directions.
So You Want Directions?
The Rockin' JA Ranch is in Walker Basin which is a mountain valley in Kern County, south of Bodfish and north of Caliente, about halfway along the Caliente-Bodfish Road. Here are two suggested routes to the Rockin' JA, just make sure to securely close any gates to avoid being hung by the locals for cattle rustling.
From Bakersfield: Take SR 178 west through Kern River Canyon to the Bodfish/Havilah Exit. Turn right at the bottom of the off-ramp and continue until you dead end at Caliente-Bodfish Road, then turn right again. Follow Caliente-Bodfish Road for about 15 miles, up the mountain past Havilah, until it T-intersects with Walser Road. Turn left onto Walser and follow the asphalt for about 2 miles to Basin Street. Turn right onto Basin. There is a cattle gate that looks locked, it isn't. Unhook the chain and go through the gate. THEN CLOSE AND HOOK THE GATE. Leave it open and the cattle will thank you, but the locals will hunt you down and feed you to the chickens. Follow Basin ST. to the end, it will curve left and become Redstone AV. Just look for the signs. The Clampsite will be on the right.
From Mojave or L.A.: Take SR 58 to the Caliente exit. Go north through Caliente for about five mile until you reach a fork in the Road. The left fork is the Caliente-Bodfish Road. Follow it up the mountain for about 9 miles until you reach the Rankin Ranch, where you'll turn right up Walker Basin Road. Follow that until you come to another Walker Basin Road (not a typo) where you will turn right again. Go to Basin Street and make another right. MAKE SURE TO CLOSE AND HOOK THE CATTLE GATE. Basin Street will curve to the left and become Redstone Ave. Just look for the signs. The Clampsite will be on the right.
For more information contact:
Al "The Quack" Price, NGH (661) 867-2414 or email@example.com
Mark "Pokey" Crawford, VNGH (661) 993-7907 or Crawford562@Yahoo.com
Myrl "Doc" Wallace, Clampatriarch (805) 937-0156 or BigWallace@comcast.net
Mike "MGM" Ramirez-Mares, Cyberrecorder (818) 517-8781 or Cyberrecorder@ECV1866.org