Peter Lebeck Chapter #1866

The Kern County Chapter of E Clampus Vitus ®
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Welcome to the CLOG Closet
The News Archive of Peter Lebeck
Kern County Chapter of E Clampus Vitus ®

Cool Ride?

From Grand Council 2010


As Amended -- May 20,6015 (2010)

Now that's a button.

Hello Brother, and welcome to this post-Grand Council Edition of the PXL Clog. This won't be a long post, but it hopefully contains a few hairballs worthy of your consideration. So here we go. And don't forget to click on the pictures and link. You may get a surprise.

Linda 'Hazel' Johnson.

First of all thanks to everyone who attended Grand Council this past week. We hope you had as good a time as we did. To prove it, we actually posted our GC pictures extra early this year, so early in fact that we don't even have last year's pictures up yet. So enjoy. Just go to the Outies Page of Peter's Picture Pages to get an eyeful. Thanks to VNGH Ron Naucke for his sober-eyed camera work.

Sisterhood of the Iceworm Cocktail.

We also want to compliment our crew for putting on Friday night's free no-calorie spaghetti dinner held in memory of our late Brother Ken "Cookie" Young. While it is hard to believe that it's been two years since Kenny left for the Golden Hills, it seems like yesterday and is one of our saddest memories to have lost him right after Grand Council 2008.

That said we had a couple of pleasant surprises that made our unofficial 2010 Grand Council event that much more special. First was the attendance of Linda "Hazel" Johnson, spouse of our departed brother Cookie. Many a Clamper and his Widder dropped by over the weekend to visit with Hazel and pay their respects. She is a very special friend to all of us here at PXL.

Platrix and PXL Make Nice with Peace Offering of Libations.

We also settled up with our brothers at Platrix for their recent unauthorized incursion into our Clamping Domain (see our most recent post below for details). As agreed, the Graybeards of Platrix paid-up.

In fact they did much better than that. Current Platrix NGH Paul Meitzler and longtime Platrix Graybeard Phil Nadler dropped by on Friday afternoon and brought the proposed peace offering plus a nice quantity of some most satisfactory Chianti. Check out the photograph. That's our own XNGH Don Johnson coveting a pair of really BIG jugs. So you know I just gotta say it, so here it comes, "Nice JUGS PLATRIX!"

Platrix NGH Paul Meitzler and PXL 'Sultan of Swat' Joe Szot shake on it.

So Brother Paul stuck around to break bread and had a little vino with our Graybeards, which was more than enough to seal the deal, even for Brother "Sultan of Swat" Joe Szot who has called off his ever vigilant SWAT Team. Paul is also now a PXL Associate Member which entitles him to no less disrespect than the rest of us deserve. So next time you see Paul, make sure to buy him a cold one and make sure he gets what's coming to him.

On the official side of Grand Council, we have several feel good stories to report. First off, our Clamper of the Year for 2010 is XSNGH Rod Stock of Julia C. Bulette, #1864. Rod has busted his bahancas to earn this honor, so we want to congratulate Rod and thank him for his tireless efforts in promoting ECV over the years.

SNGH Glenn Thornhill

Next is a shout out to our slate of new ECV Sublime Officers whose greatest wish is that someone would wake them up and let them go back to herding cats. PXL friend, benefactor, and Platrix Greybeard, Glenn Thornhill is our new Sublime Noble Grand Humbug; Gary Glud has been elevated to the Office that Shall Remain Nameless; and Bob Romer is our new Sublime Noble Grand Recorder. While new to the Board of Proctors is Dan Barger from Tuleburg who has been selected to fill the office being vacated by our brother, Junior Madrid. Congratulations to all.

E Clampus Vitus also has added two new chapters, and promoted an outpost from fledgling to provisional. Snake River #1811 of Idaho and Umqua Joe #1859 of Oregon have both been granted the rights to full ECV Chapterhood, with a charter doin's for each to be announced soon. The John A. Sutter Outpost #1841, of Sacramento County, is also to be congratulated for its upgrade to provisional status, so keep up the hard work brothers and don't forget to watch out for "Bares." You'll need all the help you can get.

...amd that's one too.

On a personal note, we want to give a Laurel and Hardy handshake to our brother Bob "Barbarosa" Haines who will be Snake River's first Noble Grand Humbug. Barbarosa has been ECV's apostle to Idaho, ramrodding the efforts of the Snake River contingent towards full chartered status. Bob is also a son of Peter Lebeck, having come in at PXL with Dickhead as his sponsor. So keep an eye on this space because when Snake River has its charter doin's sometime in September, a bunch of us will be headed for Idaho to personally congratulate Bob for a job well done.

Dickhead, IRJR, Barbarosa.

Last on the mostly official side was the appearance of our Brother IRJR before the assembled council. Just in case you don't know who JR is, his given name is Jim Reynolds, and more than anyone, he has been responsible for the Clamper presence on the Net. If you've been to the ECV Gazette, the Sand Box or the ECV White pages, then you've been on a site invented by JR, much of it hand coded in PERL back in the day when the features you see there, such as manipulation of the databases that comprise the Sandbox, could only be done by guys who could actually do computer programming.

Anyway, JR has been through some rough times of late. Two years ago he was stricken with cancer which required radical lung surgery and chemotherapy, and now his Widder Sally is in need of a liver transplant, putting great strain on the family's finances. In fact if you've been to the ECV Gazette of late then you've seen the Rally for Sally links, and it seemed that everybody in Clamperdom had seen them - everybody that is except for JR. The website administrators had put them up without telling JR, and JR had been too preoccupied to notice.

...amd that's one too.

So it was with great emotion that Jim Reynolds asked for and was granted permission to address Grand Council and to thank the Graybeards for the support that ECV has show for Sally. JR spent very little time at the doin's - maybe three or four hours total - but his presence will not soon be forgotten. We wish them both well.

Widders' Trading Post.

Now for three last little tidbits before we sign off. Jeannie Johnson and Jolinda Naucke (wo)manned the crafts booth that Jeannie had been planning for over a year, selling handmade items crafted with the ECV Widder in mind. We want to thank them both for their hard work and for astutely recognizing the value of a widders' booth. While it's easy for the guys to buy t-shirts and pins from the assembled chapter hawkers, there really isn't much going on for the ladies so our PXL Crafts Booth has turned out to be something quite special.

Dickhead, IRJR, Barbarosa.

The PXL Homepages continue to undergo improvement. Brother "Zeus" Garibay has joined our webgeek contingent and will be working on our Plaque History Pages starting with recent Humbug biographies, so welcome Zeus. And in case you missed it, check out the Plaque History for a close-up view of our latest Tehachapi erection.

Carl Wheat with his Gazinta.

We have also given some much needed attention to our Ye Page of Brasse collection.

While the page still has quite a ways to go, we've dusted off some of our videos and put them out there for a reprise, along with some additional links of interest. I know some you have given me stuff over the last couple of years in hopes of seeing it put up somewhere, well Ye Page of Brasse is the most likely somewhere for much of this stuff. So check back on occasion for updates.

Lastly there is the tale of Timbo's Car. Our Noble Grand Humbug has the darndest luck. It seems that on one of his most recent wandering to the mid-west Timbo bought this raffle ticket. The darn thing cost him $20 and it probably seemed like a dumb idea immediately after he purchased it, but then again, they weren't supposed to sell more than a thousand total and it seemed to be for a good cause - The British Transportation Museum.

Timbo won this 1974 MGB-GT  Coupé.

But guess what? Timbo won! But if you're thinking "British Transportation," hopefully you're not thinking double-decker bus or even Rolls-Royce. No…were talking about a vintage 1974 MGB-GT Hatchback Coupé. The bigger problem is that the British Transportation Museum is in DAYTON, OHIO.

But, hey. No worries. At least it's not in London. Now all Timbo has to worry about is showing up in Dayton, Ohio (much closer than London), collecting his prize, and then moving his new ride 2,200 miles to sunny Southern, California. By the way, if you are wondering why there seems to be a paucity of vintage British sports cars on the road these days, it might have had something to do with their famed "reliability."

Some guys have all the luck.

Email MGM. --MGM

Posted -- May 3,6015

PXL with our monument in Railroad Park, Tehachapi, CA

Hello Brother and welcome back to the PXL Clog. In this edition we have all the latest news and scuttlebutt - plus a little drama - concerning poaching and treachery at the Loop. You'll want to learn all the juicy details so make sure you read the whole thing.

First off we want to thank all of you who made our Clampout and dedication at Tehachapi a solid success. Seventy of us spent the weekend as guests of the Benz-Visco Sports Center, where the brothers of PXL and their PBCs were provided plenty of room to Clamp, including the luxury of an amphitheatre for our cook shack, a dramatic echo chamber for our Graybeards' Examination, and generous space for our RVs and tents. The weather also held up, with sunny skies during the day and daytime temperatures in the mid-60's to 70's. The evenings were a bit chilly, freezing actually, in part due to the wind, but Timbo tell us that the next time we head up that way he expects the city fathers to do a better job of turning off the fans.

PXL's monument in Railroad Park, Tehachapi, CA

As for our Spring Erection, our plaque now stands proudly at the east end of Railroad Park in Downtown Tehachapi, and celebrates both the geography and the over one hundred years of history that belongs to this most important pathway through California.

As for the physical monument itself, Timbo and his crew poured the thing earlier in the week, when temperatures were below freezing and daytime precipitation was in the form of that little white sticky stuff that makes it look a lot like Christmas. So make sure you thank Timbo and the Brothers - Roadrunner, Doc and Sawdust -- when you see them, and commend then for a job well done.

PXL's four new Brothers from the Spring 2010 Tehachapi Doin's.

The CLOG would also like to mention a few important highlights from this doin's. First of all we'd like to welcome to PXL four new members of E Clampus Vitus, who braved the rocky road to Dublin and had the scales of blindness lifted from their eyes. They are Robert J. Hernandez, son of our brother, Robert "Bababooey" Hernandez; Matt "Wood Butcher" Kmetz, who says he's a carpenter (though we think we saw him featured in SAW II), Joe "Smalls" Rivera, whom we recognize as a man with a "driving" ambition, and, last but not least, Dennis "Snort" Wahlstrom, who works for the City of Tehachapi. In fact we want to thank Dennis for his contribution to our erection. His "bribe" to the graybeards was a donation of the concrete needed to erect our Tehachapi monument, a solid contribution if we ever needed one. So to each and all of these new brothers of our Ancient and Honorable Order of E Clampus Vitus - we wish you welcome! (Just hold the fries on that one).

Brother Russ 'Hole' Chapman

We also want to thank our Brother, Russ "Hole" Chapman, for providing the most absurd and hilarious entertainment on Friday and Saturday nights. Hole brought his ELMO, his laptop and his sense of humor, and provides us with a slide and video show which had us roaring in the aisles. Just as amazing, he brought the entire kit in that little trailer of his, though we strongly suspect that in order to make room he was forced to leave his entire troop of circus clowns at home.

Anywho, some of the guys had seen Brother Hole do this kind of thing at the Trichapter and invited him to perform his shtick at Tehachapi. We were very, very impressed. And mind you, we'll never look at Paris Hilton in the same way again. We also expect Dickhead to go to confession.

We also want to thank each and every Brother who put a couple of bucks in the can in support of the families who lost loved ones in the recent West Virginia coal mining disaster. PXL has sent $125 to the West Virginia Council of Churches' Montcoal Disaster Fund. If you missed the can, don't fret. Your further contributions are appreciated. Just click on the link above.

Now that's a button.

Last on this subject are the pictures from this Doin's. We've processed over 300 of them, and we hope we've caught you in some very embarrassing and compromising situations - or not. In either case, Ron "Inspector" Naucke has the photos and has divided them into four galleries. He's posted some of them already so check Peter's Picture Pages this week to see why your mother said you shouldn't drink.

...amd that's one too.

We'd also like to remind you that reading and posting to our message board -- Peter's Board -- is a great way to keep in touch with you Brothers here at PXL. We'd love to hear from you whether you consider yourself a member of PXL or not. Sign-up takes less than five minutes and you get instant access to our on-line message board where you can vetch, whine or simply joke around. We may even take you seriously if you're not careful. So take advantage of the space to do all of the above. We'll see you on the board.

And if you have digital photos that you'd like to share with us, don't forget that we've added a new feature to our webpages called Peter's Port Hole. You'll find the link on our picture page. Just follow the link to the Port Hole where you'll be able to upload photos, scan and documents which may be too large to post by email.

Platrix Humbug Paul 'Bartab' Metler with proof of service.

Now for news of Treachery and Poaching in high places. As you likely know the Tehachapi Valley sits at an elevation of about 3800 feet, yet we were shocked, SHOCKED! To learn that our Brothers from Platrix had ONCE AGAIN poached on our territory by Clamping adjacent to the Tehachapi Loop without first asking our permission. AND to add insult to injury they did it on the same weekend as our own Clampout in Tehachapi!

Hearing of this great flatulence upon our lands, your trusty PXL graybeards sprang into action. A conclave was called, after which XNGH Joe "Roadrunner" Szot prepared a team of trusty redshirts with the intent of visiting "Shock and Awe" upon the Platrix Clamp. With a newly added super-duper, double secret weapon in his arsenal, Roadrunner, (now rechristened PXL's "Sultan of Swat,") called for volunteers and quickly assembled the "Daryl 'PXL' Gates Memorial Swat Team." Only word from our Humbug would be needed to launch the Brothers into action. Credo Quia Absurdum!

Joe Szot, the Sultan of SWAT.

But hoping to salvage our historic connection to our Platrix Brothers, and in the spirit of CQA, our Humbug deigned to give the suckers one more chance, and assembled a treating party comprised of XNGH Steve Born, Dave "Fearless" Kerr, Tim "Dr. Tortoise" Denton, and Yours Truly, in order to serve notice upon their Graybeards that we meant to have satisfaction. So off to Keene we went.

After arriving at the Platrix Clampsite we found their unsuspecting Graybeards conveniently ensconced in a trailer, examining their PBCs. This allowed the treating party to take them very much by surprise. Making our entrance through a side door, we presented our demands -- in writing -- to Humbug Paul "Bartab" Metzler. The bottom line: Pay damages of $1866.00 for squatting on PXL territory or experience the pain of "Shock and Awe."

After a labored, in camera discussion amongst the 'beards this was their response:

Dave meets Dave.

"We are not using our member's land to fxxk, just to Clamp. However we are honored to respect our brothers from PXL (piss pour [sic] bear wrestlers) by supplying the following libations:
1.75 Maker's Mark
" Jack Daniels
" Southern Comfort
To be delivered at Grand Council.
By unanimous decree of the Graybeards of Platrix Chapter No. 2
'The Queen of the Cow Counties'
P.S. Next time use paper or parchment, not cheap cardboard."

The Daryl 'PXL' Gates Memorial SWAT Team.

Our Graybeards have taken this offer to heart and are considering their options. Platrix's offer of Southern Comfort appears to be in honor of our late Brother Kenny Young, and an obvious play upon our heartstrings. A cheap shot? Maybe. But from all indications the PXL shot callers though weakened a bit, remain on the fence and so far remain split. So Platrix, expect an answer by this weekend's Grand Council. Until then, Brothers of PXL, keep your swatters at the ready.

XXNGH Kenny 'Cookie' Young

We also want to advise everyone (including our Brothers from a certain nearby cow chapter) that you are all invited to the Kenny Young Memorial Spaghetti Feed set for Friday night, May 14th, at Grand Council. Just head for the PXL Clampsite about 7 p.m. for a FREE helping of spaghetti, salad, and bread, in honor of our late Cookie Emeritus, XXNGH Kenny Young. Bring your own libations, but if you care to share, a little vino would be a most excellent thing. A santé!

SWAT -- K9 Division.

This coming June 11th through 13th, about a month after Grand Council, Roadrunner and Dickhead are headed up Hwy 395 to the Slim Princess Doin's at Diaz Lake, just south of Lone Pine. They could use some help with the hawking so if anyone cares to join them just give either of them a call or drop them a line on Peter's Board. Just be advised that for this doin's you will have to pay for your own camping space at the lake in addition to the rub charged by 395. Check Peter's Board for the flyer and further details.

Walt 'Mangler' Stowe.

And then of course, there's our Fall Doin's. We are hoping to go somewhere nice where we've never Clamped before. Timbo, along with our Brother, Walter "Mangler" Stowe, are working on several leads with an eye towards Clamping in the mountains near the coast -- maybe even in Platrix Territory. When things finally start to firm up, you'll read about it here first, on the PXL CLOG.

So until next time, Peace OUT!

Email MGM.-- MGM


Addendum -- April 19, 6015

Railroad Park, Tehachapi, CA

Here's a quick progress report on this weekend's PXL doin's. Our black granite Tehachapi plaque is back from the fabricator, and it's a beauty. The stone is one of our largest at a height of almost two and a half feet and has the PXL Emblem prominently displayed at the top. Timbo, Szot and a few monument volunteers will be at Tehachapi's Railroad Park on Thursday morning at 8 a.m. to mount our next erection. Anyone who cares to join them is most certainly welcome. Bring a camera and a shovel if you have them.

Dickhead -- Weather Oracle.

Dickhead Weather Central predicts that weather for our monument's construction could be a bit moist, with a small, 30% chance of rain and snow showers predicted for Thursday, but a respectable daytime high of 47 degrees. The forecast for our doin's is most promising, with weather for Friday, Saturday and Sunday predicted to be sunny and mild, with daytime highs in the 60's and nighttime lows in 40's, making for one dog nights in a place with a three dog reputation. Keeping warm will be all the more easy as burn barrels will be allowed, so bring plenty of wood to keep those fires toasty and to help the B.S. flow more easily at night.


And while we don't expect it to rain, you're still encouraged to bring your walking around boots as the ground could be a bit wet from earlier in the week, including the possibility of snow from Thursday's weather shenanigans. Just keep in mind that we don't expect any snow to last long once thing begin to warm up on Friday, so make your snowballs early and avoid anything with a yellow tinge. We know what Clampers like to do in the snow (yuck). There's also plenty of blacktop at the Visco Center and a concrete amphitheatre so we have plenty of room to improvise if need be. See you there.

If you missed our most recent doin's post, make sure you keep reading for more important information about our spring Clampout at Tehachapi!

Posted -- April 15,6015

Tehachapi Valley, California.

Welcome Brother Cloggite, please make yourself at home and take a few minutes to read the latest announcements from your brothers here at PXL. If you want to learn the secret of the bean burrito song you'll have to read to the end of this latest post. But hey, that's life.

First up is the obvious big one. Our Spring Doin's is a week from Friday. We'll be headed to Tehachapi on April 23rd for a two-night Clampout and a Sunday erection in downtown Tehachapi in honor of the fortuitous location of the pass and the city's one hundredth anniversary. Everything is freeway close so we expect a very nice turnout.

If you suspect you're coming please RSVP as soon as possible, and don't forget to get your dust in the mail if you want to take advantage of our prepay discount. You can use the new electronic sign-up on the flyer page to let us know you plan to attend. A PXL Clampout is usually under a 100 guys, so getting a good count is extremely important to us when it comes to acquiring grub. If we get it wrong the late comers may find themselves snipe hunting while everybody else is eating handcut rib eyes on Saturday Night.

My dog is laughing because she ate your flyer.

Also keep in mind that our website is loaded with all the information you'll need. By going to our flyer page you can not only read all about the doin's, but also download a pdf copy of the flyer as well as directions for how to get there and where to send your rub. You 'll also find phone numbers and email addresses for Timbo, Ron and Dickhead, who'll be able to answer all of your questions; as well as links to the Grand Council Rules, a glossary for your PBC to memorize and information about the Tehachapi Plaque. For information about our new, experimental doggie policy click the 2010 Spring Doin's link on Peter's Board.

Dale Charter.

Speaking of email, it's now official, our Clampatriarch, Doc Charter, has finally split the sheets with Microsoft over Doc's Hotmail account. Call it "irreconcilable differences," but after being locked out for the second time, Doc has finally given up on using his web browser for email and has come over to the red shirted side of the force. So from now on you can email Doc at Doc knows that if he has similar issues in the future he can just call me up and give me a piece of his @#&$* mind knowing I speak American (He also knows I'll hang up on him if he p____s me off).

So if you find yourself in a similar Doc-like situation, or you just want a cool name for your email, just remember your friends here at PXL. Contact me and I can set you up with an account on our PXL email server just like Doc's, and if you've asked me before you might already have one and not even know it.

Awaiting word in Montcoal,WVA.

We also want to remind you all that we are an eleemosynary fraternal organization, which is a fancy way of saying that we really do care about the widders and orphans. So we are asking the brothers to consider the less fortunate and bring a little something extra in your kits when you come to Tehachapi. Locally we lend our support to a battered woman's shelter here in Kern County which provides refuge to women and children who have had to leave home in a hurry, and that often means having left with nothing more than the clothes on their backs. So what we ask is that you speak to your own widder and see what the two of you can provide in the way of personal hygiene items that a woman in a shelter situation would sorely need: Stuff like shampoo, baby wipes, tampons and tooth paste. Size doesn't matter. Even travel size is OK. One item can make a difference, whether it's from Macy's, the 99¢ Store or the sample aisle at Target. Your gift will be very much appreciated.

We are also very mindful of last week's disaster in Montcoal, West Virginia, where 29 coal miners perished in the worst U.S. mine accident in a generation. Aside from our symbolic connection to these men (and from what I could find out from the internet it appears that all those that died were men), West Virginia is the land of Ephraim Bee, the founder of E Clampus Vitus. For these reasons our Humbug has decreed that we pass the can in honor of these lost miners and for the immediate needs of their families. All proceeds will be sent to the West Virginia Council of Churches, Montcoal Disaster Fund. While we may not be able to contribute millions we can at least show solidarity with our fellow Americans in their time of need.

Trichapter Creek Picture by Muley.

On a more cheery note, the Central Valley Tri-Chapter was last weekend and about 15 of our PXL members showed up in support. As for myself I regrettably couldn't make it, although I am told that one of the great benefits of being a guest is that you don't have to work so hard at putting on a doin's, so maybe next year I'll haul my butt up to road, plunk it in the creek and watch Brother Stinky's Studebaker go by. Congratulation to our Trichapter brethren on another great doin's. Our Brother Steve "Muleskinner" Schermerhorn, webmaster at Grub Gulch, has posted photos if you want to have a look. Our own PXL brother and VNGH, Ron "Inspector" Naucke also took a few of his own, so we'll make an effort to get those up on our own site real soon.

Bill Lonergan. Blair Lonergan.

We also want to welcome back our friend and brother "Dollar Bill" Lonergan who has missed a couple of doin's while doing battle with a flare-up of the Big "C." He's in remission now and doing much better. We are very glad to see Bill back in the mix, and we expect to see him, his calming disposition, and his son Blair (aka "Fiddy Cent") up at Tehachapi. Make sure to say "hi" when you see these guys.

Now for the (exciting) technical news. For those of you who have digital pictures on your computer that you'd like to send to us and you don't mind doing it one snapshot at a time we now have a special webpage called "Peter's Porthole" that will allow you to do just that. To find it, just click on Peter's Picture Pages in the links box on the left. Just read the first paragraph underneath the dancing bear and you'll find the link to the Porthole. Anyone who knows how to locate a file on his own computer will find this super simple to use. Much thanks again to Brother Muleskinner for his help on this one.

Click to go to Timbo's Invite.

Now as a near final note, we hope you all got to hear Timbo's resonant voice on our invite page. If not, turn on your speakers and take in his sparkling invitation. Timbo has one of the greatest resonant voices in all of Clamperdom and we'll be making more use of his talents as we revamp some of our older offerings, so be on the lookout for Timbo on the web. We strongly suspect that Geico commercials featuring Timbo will soon be the latest thing.

Now for the Bean Burrito dénouement. The lyrics date from our Spring Doin's at Woody in 2005 when due to the proximity of civilians, our PBCs were not allowed to sing some of our more bawdy and sacrilegious offerings like the now verboten "Hididiety" mentioned in the Grand Council Rules. We made up the lyrics on the spot and have been singing them ever since. The video above is from the Fall 4-Way in CalNevAri , Nevada, where the 70+ candidates got the lyrics right on their first attempt. They later sang it as part of their graybeards examination. It was awesome.

See you at Tehachapi.

Email MGM. --MGM

Posted -- March 7, 6015

Humbug Timbo Gillespie.

Hello Brothers and welcome back to the PXL CLOG! Just a few quick notes and notices in this round of the CLOG. The Spring Clamping season will soon be here so time to get our jackasses in order.

March 20th, PXL will be having our Spring General Membership Meeting at Fort Tejón at 12 noon. We'll be meeting in the Tack Room, which is quite rustic so bring a chair, a cozy jacket, your own beverages and your best ideas. The Humbug will provide lunch. As usual this meeting will include planning for our Spring Doin's in Tehachapi so spread the word. If you are coming, do Timbo the courtesy of dropping him an email at, leaving him a post on Peter's Board, or just calling him at (714) 936-8650. Timbo hates to waste food.

Railroad Park, Tehachapi, CA

Speaking of the Spring Doin's, we'll be headed for Tehachapi the weekend of April 23-25, for a Clampout at the nearby Visco Sports Center and a Sunday Plaquing in Downtown Tehachapi at Railroad Park which is at the corner of Tehachapi Boulevard and Green Street. We'll be guests of the City of Tehachapi which is very much looking forward to our erection.

So won't you please join us? Make sure to download the flyer, and check out the special pages we've put together to inform you about our doin's. Just click on the purple lightening banner above or the 2010 Spring Doin's link to get to the flyer page. And while you're there don't forget to click the tabs at the top of the page for more details. This year we even have a new electronic sign-up feature on the flyer page that will make for faster check-in at the gate. So why waste time later on when you can party, party, party, and spend more time catching-up with some of your bestest buds in all of Clamperdom?

12th Annual TriChapter Logo.

Speaking of buds. We are great supporters of the Central Valley Tri-Chapter Doin's which is celebrating its twelfth edition this year. The Doin's will takes place the weekend of April 9-11, at Indian Rock near Fresno, and if you are interested in who among us is going, or would like to go yourself, make sure to check Peter's Board and click on All Things Clamp'sidered to read the Tri-Chapter thread. One thing we really like about this doin's is the "Beluga Brothers" event on Friday night. It's a fancy way of saying that dinner won't be provided, but if you pay five dollars and either bring or prepare a dish on the spot, you will become part of one of the most fattening pot lucks in all of Clamperdom, and one where guys try to outdo each other to impress their brothers. So click here to download their flyer and click here to open their webpage.

Bear Claws go good with Hot Coffee.

Now for scuttlebutt about our webpage updates and other cyber stuff of interest. Over the last few weeks we've been getting our house in order for the coming year, so, as you look around, you will see updates to pages like Peter's Procs, Our Humbugs' Page, Officers Page, doin's announcements and photo pages. Presently Vaquero is also pruning deadwood off of Peter's Board so things are starting to look rather spiffy around here. We've added a few more faces to the Mugz! Page, and have just posted photos from our recent appearance in the Whiskey Flats Days Parade up in Kernville, so check that out too.

And if you haven't visited or posted to Peter's Board lately we really encourage you to do so. The easy way to get there is to click on the scrolling marquee in the links box that reads, "This Way to Peter's Board." Then save the link as a favorite. It's a great way to keep in touch as whatever you post in the public areas can be seen by any Clamper visiting the board. Signing-up takes less than five minutes, and if you've forgotten your password just email "--MGM for a reset. Just make sure to tell us what name you've chosen for yourself on the board. Plus if you've been to one of our doin's we can probably set you up with an avatar as well (but it will have to be in RED not BLUE).

Now that's a button.

As you look around you'll likely notice some subtle changes to our graphics and some even bigger changes to our sound. If you had the sound off when you first opened this page then I'd encourage you to turn it on, refresh the page and take a listen. That's Timbo, our sonorous Humbug inviting you to our Spring Doin's among other things. You'll also discover an off button ( " | | ") underneath the Norton Day video where you usually find our flying jackass . . . and here's why.

...amd that's one too.

It has been our goal over the last couple of years to make our site "cross browser compliant," meaning that whether you're using Internet Explorer, Firefox or some other program to search the web, the pages should always look and sound roughly the same. But quite often graphics that look quite orderly in one browser look like deck chairs on the Titanic in another. Entire sections of a page can go sliding to the edges, text that looked plenty bright and correctly sized in IE can display as faint or clownishly large in Firefox or Safari. And Sounds? Sometimes sound files won't play at all or a computer's volume settings become tweaked. Other times only some sound files will play but not others. And Safari is the worst of the bunch, throwing-up big error message windows when it can't digest sound instead of just keeping its fat browser mouth shut.

Then there is that stupid STOP button. All versions of Internet Explorer come with a stop button. Hit it and the little script we've been using to play sound would stop and the sound would shut off. Nice. Except other browsers don't come with a stop button. ARGGGH!

So long story short, while our pages - all 90 or so of them -- still display best in IE, if you are using another browser you'll find that our links and graphics are now more visible and aesthetically appealing. And all browser users will find more of our sound converted to streaming mp3's with scrubbable off and on switches embedded somewhere on their respective pages. So feel free to kill the sound or replay whatever pieces tickle your fancy.

...and that one.

So what browser is best for surfing the internet? Well at the very least it should be the latest version of what you are using now, and you have few excuses because these programs are free. Developers are always trying to make their browsers more secure and efficient, and the latest versions often come pre-loaded with the plug-ins you'll need to view the latest stupid web tricks. Plus keep in mind that the longer a browser version has been out there the more opportunity hackers have had to take the thing apart, so newer is always better, at least from a security standpoint. And if all the new bells and whistles bother you - and here I'm mostly referring to the latest version of Microsquish IE - ignore them. A browser is still a browser. Learn the new basic features, but skip things like "slices" unless you have a need for them.

Speaking of Microsquish, most people still use IE. I use it, but I also recognize that many of you won't. Some oppose it on principle, because they just don't want to give the beast the satisfaction. Others see it as a security issue because IE is always being probed by hackers for vulnerabilities, but let's not forget that even the security of Firefox has been recently questioned. So if you are a fan of Firefox, now is not the time to get smug. The truth is: If your browser is popular it's gunna be a hacker magnet.

...amd that's one also.

All that said, if you want to try something other than IE, I'd recommend downloading the latest version of Google Chrome. Google seems to have something special here. In testing our web pages, Chrome loaded faster than any other browser including IE, and about twice as fast as Firefox. Chrome drew pages quickly, played old Java sound scripts that Firefox refused to play, and finished pages looked more like those of Firefox than IE, which ought to give you a good idea which browser Google think it is competing against.

Anyway those are my two cents. In the meantime enjoy the music, and I'll be typing at you again in a few days.

Email MGM. --MGM

WEATHER ADDENDUM for February 12, 6015

Now that's a button.

Here's a quick update for Saturday's Whiskey Flat Days Parade in Kernville. According to Brother Dickhead Weather Central, "We should have a sunny weekend. Tomorrow, at parade time, it should be in the mid to high 50s. It will warm up to 63 later in the day. No sign of rain, snow, hurricanes, typhoons or other nasty stuff." Plus the ride up from any direction should be just as nice, though you are cautioned to watch for black ice as is common this time of year in places that are prone to it. Otherwise the freeways will be clear and all roads leading to Kernville will be open.

A last minute advisory from Doc: If you miss linking up with us at "The Hut," you will still be able to find us in the staging area if you get there early enough. Just go to the check-in table at the Chamber of Commerce which is on Sierra Way and right down the street from The Hut. Just ask them for our parade number and hurry on down to meet us. The parade kicks off at 11 sharp, and we have no way to know where we'll be in line until we get there.

For more information, including a map and directions, just keep reading, and see you there.

ADDENDUM to February 5, 6015

Now that's a button.

Before you read on to the latest CLOG Update, keep in mind that all Clampers and their Widders are invited to join us in Kernville on Saturday, February 13th, Presidents' Day Weekend, as PXL comes together to march in the Whiskey Flats Parade. That's the weekend after Super Bowl. This ia a great time to be had by all of us so read on. The details, including a map and direction are included in this update of the PXL CLOG so click here or read on! IMPORTANT: You must be at the staging area by 10:30 a.m. The Parade starts at 11:00 a.m. sharp. Dale will meet us at The Hut. See below for details.

POSTED - February 5, 6015 (Amended 2.14.10)

PXL Widders Ball 2010.

Hello sports fans, and welcome back to the PXL Clog! As your coach, I've laid out an exciting five minutes worth of reading here, so adjust your specs, drop the chalupas and get ready for the rush. It's Super Bowl Week and the PXL Clog is once again on the air!

PXL Widders Ball 2010.

First of all we want to thank everybody who made it out to our Widders' Ball this past weekend. It was a most satisfactory outing, the attendance was great, the weather was mild and the camaraderie was excellent. To prove it, we've posted over 140 photos, many of them portraits of some of our favorite brothers and their significant Widders so head on over to Peter's Picture Pages when you get a moment and watch the slide show.

PXL Widders Ball 2010.

And for watching the slides here's a viewing tip for those of you using Internet Explorer 8. If you click on the little magnifying glass in the lower right hand corner, you can zoom in to make the slide show window fill most of the screen. After doing that the slide will look out of wack at first but you can easily fix that by right-clicking on the slide. When the menu appears, click on 'zoom in', then right-click again and click on 'zoom out'. The slide will now fill the marquee and you'll now get a much larger view of the whole show.

NGH Timbo Gillespie & Jennie Painter.

We want to congratulate our new Humbug, "Ptomaine Timbo" Gillespie on his ascesion to one of the most 'fun' jobs in the whole wide world, right up there with ball turret gunner and deposed Middle Eastern dictator. Sorry Timbo, we just filled in the last spider hole in Kern County and you'll have to supply your own Band-Aids, but we'll be there for you when you need us, and we'll be cheering you on.

Dale Shows Us His Finger.

On the flip side we also want to congratulate our outgoing Humbug and new Clampatriarch Dale "Doc" Charter, who made his escape at Saturday's Widders' Ball. In appreciation Doc gave each of his surviving officers a very nice personalized gift, and has promised to continue to support the chapter in whatever way he can which we know is no idle promise as he has already committed to coordinating our appearance at the Whiskey Flats Day Parade in Kernville during the upcoming Presidents' Day Weekend, and for which you will want to keep reading down the page, but first this.

The Boys Line-up for Presets.

As part of Doc's swan song, Doc changed several aspects of this year's Widders' Ball in hopes of establishing a couple of traditions that will make it a kinder and more genteel event as we go forward. For 2010 the women's costume event was separated into three categories - period, saloon and absurd - with the strutting, meat market approach to the ladies' contest going bye-bye but staying put for the more hearty hombres. Doc also established an award for "Noble Grand Widder," to recognize the woman whose work over the last year did the most to support the chapter and improve its reputation.

Jennifer Paiter, CarolDavidson & Peggy Horn.

So without further adieu here are the winners! In the ladies competition, the Best Period Costume award went to Peggy Horn, beloved wife of our Brother Dennis "Hornhead" Horn. The Best Saloon Girl Costume award went to Jennifer Painter, a wise woman most firmly attached to our Brother Timbo Gillespie, our new PXL Humbug. And finally the Most Absurd Costume award went to Carol Davidson, who insists on hanging out with our up-to-no-good but much beloved brother and ECV Proctor, "Wild Bill" Davidson. Hope springs eternal they say, and Carol may yet succeed in making Bill a respectable guy - but we doubt it.

Jay Corlew.

As for the men's competition, our winner was PXL Brother Jay Corlew, who was brought in by Doc this year at Havilah and is the owner of Silver City Ghost Town in Bodfish. Cheering him on was his wife Candy whom we hope will join us for the ladies' costume competition next time around. She was certainly all dressed up for the occasion and would have made a sparkling go of it.

Bill & Carol Davidson.

Our congratulations also go out to, Jeannie Johnson, who was dubbed PXL's first annual "Noble Grand Widder," in recognition of her work on behalf of the chapter. For some time now Jeannie has been our liaison to the local battered women's shelter, helping PXL provide the women and children taking refuge there with toiletries, clothing and other hard to come by personal items. She has also decorated for more than one Widders' Ball, and, along with JoLinda Naucke, has hand crafted items that appeal to other Clamper wives and hawked them during Grand Council to raise money for our chapter. We also note that she has put up with our brother XNGH Don Johnson on a daily basis for almost too many years to count.

As for the actual ceremony, the whole thing caught Jeannie totally by surprise. Doc called her out of the audience, and she soon found herself kneeling on a milk crate (which hurt) and being dubbed on each shoulder with a broadsword (which didn't quite hurt so much). Charles Topping cast a special medallion celebrating Jeannie's status as PXL's first Noble Grand Widder, and it was presented to her along with flowers and a written commendation from the chapter. So thanks again Mrs. Johnson for your persistent efforts on our behalf.

Karyl & Mike Ralles.

Before moving on from the Widders' Ball, I have to acknowledge a mistake made in the original version of this post. In it I mentioned the donation of two fine antique women's hats which were auctioned off for the benefit of our chapter at the end of the evening's formalities. Well les chapeau were actually donated by Widder Karyl Ralles, who seems to insist on hanging out with our Brother Mikee Ralles just because they are husband and wife. Now we know Mike quite well, but since Karyl has known him longer we have to assume that she knows what she's doing. So our thanks go out to Karyl for her generosity and to our Brother Mike for his continuing support.

Bill & Carol Davidson.

As originally stated our Brother "Wild Bill" Davidson did conduct the actual auction of these fine ladies' hats and we always appreciate Wild Bill's participation at our doin's. Bill is a current ECV Proctor and, though his native chapter is Jim Savage up in Fresno, he has been an important PXL booster over the years. He and his wife Carol are just as much an inseparable item as the Ralles, so please forgive my error in confusing my Karyls with my Carols. And don't forget that the next time you see either of these couples don't be shy about introducing yourself. They're family.

Whiskey Flat Days up in Kernville will be our next event and like the Widders' Ball this one is co-ed. So whether you come on up for the day or for the weekend, you and your widder are invited to join PXL as we march in Saturday's Whiskey Flats Parade for the third year in a row. Period dress is encouraged, especially for the ladies, so don your Clamper finery and come on down: That's Saturday, February 13th, Presidents' Day Weekend in Kernville.

Dale & Marti Charter.

Doc Charter and his widder Marti will be acting as hosts for this event. Doc will take care of checking us in for the parade which he'll do at 9:30 a.m., but we must be at the parade staging area by 10:30, as the parade starts at 11 a.m. sharp. For convenience sake Dale will gather us up at 10 a.m. at the Hut, which is a pub near the staging site, just don't count on eating there, though you can wet your whistle. While the Charters would love to have you come on up to their place before the parade, you need to be concerned about parking which can get rather scarce near the parade route. Whiskey Flat Days is one of the biggest seasonal events in Kern County, and as many as 50,000 people are expected in town for the weekend, so we encourage you to get there early or risk creating your own parade just getting to where we are supposed to meet up.

After the parade we'll gather at Doc and Marti's house for snacks and refreshments. They live about half a mile from the parade staging area at 16 Hillside Drive in Kernville. If you get lost feel free to call Doc on his cell at (760) 417-0599, just keep in mind that your own cell may not work in town particularly if you are a Verizon subscriber. If that is the case you'll have to scramble for a land line at one of the local pubs.

Click Here to Download the Kernville Map.

To get to the parade staging area from Lake Isabella just follow the one and only road into town. It becomes Burlando Road as you approach Kernville. Once in town this street will change names a couple of times but continue to follow it over the Kern River Bridge then park wherever you can find parking. The Hut will be on your right, two blocks past the bridge; and the staging area will be three blocks beyond that, where the road T-intersects with Sierra Way.

Doc's house is at the entrance to town. To get to Doc's place, make the first left just past Riverside Park as you are coming into Kernville. You'll literally be turning from Burlando Road onto Burlando Road. The fifth opportunity to turn left is Hillside Drive. The Charters live half a block up on the right at 16 Hillside Drive. See you there.

Tehachapi Centennial Logo

We are also proud to announce our Spring Doin's which will take place in Tehachapi the weekend of April 23-25, 2010. We'll be mounting an erection in downtown Tehachapi denoting the area's celebrated topography as well as the 100th Anniversary of the town's existence. So grab an extra blanket and come on up. We should have our usual set of background pages up soon. But until then you'll just have to be satisfied with downloading the flyer. Just click on the purple lighting banner ad above and the flyer can be yours for free. To go to the Tehachapi City website click on the train logo to your right.

We also want to remind you that our message board is open to any Clamper who cares to use it to post jokes, announcements and what nots. We even encourage other chapters to post their doin's announcements on our board so that everybody who cares to look can know what they are up to. Just click on the scrolling marquee in the links box on the left, or better yet, just bookmark this link,

MGM Gets a Hand.

On a personal note yours truly will be recording more than just cybers this year because I am also PXL's newly appointed Grand Noble Recorder. As such I'd like to try something different, and I am asking for volunteers to join a phone committee to help rouse the troops for the coming doin's and beyond. So if you are interested please drop me an email at . You help will be greatly appreciated by everyone.

To check out the rest of our official line-up, go to our PXL Officers Page, where our contact information is always available. And please excuse the mess around here. WebPage maintenance takes time, and who has all the time in the world?

No TV in those days, Lincoln needed his radio.

Lastly we hope you enjoy the Super Bowl on Sunday, and may the best team win. On an absurd note, I heard a guy named Don Steinberg on the radio yesterday who has a website where he is comparing presidents to Super Bowls by the numbers. You know 44 presidents, 44 Super Bowls, right?

Joe Montana with Football, but no radio.

Or as NPR put it, "For example, check out Game 16. Joe Montana may have led the 49ers to an exciting 26-21 victory over the Cincinnati Bengals. But, as Steinberg points out, "he didn't free the slaves." And while San Francisco's 20-0 halftime lead was the largest halftime shutout lead in Super Bowl history, "it didn't deliver The Gettysburg Address."

I guess we know who Steinburg thinks won that one. Anyway here is the link: And just in case you can't hear the music I've been playing on the homepage this week in honor of Super Bowl XVIV, it is of course, one of my favorite football songs from 1933. Granted it isn't Cowboy music, though I think Tony Romo would argue with me on that one. Here's a YouTube Link: But if you can hear the sound and want to shut it off, I've added a new control just beneath the flying jackass. Type at you next time.


Contact Info and Official ECV Chapter Website Links

For more information contact:

"Ptomaine Timbo" Gillespie, XXNGH (661) 993-7907 or

Mark "Scoop" Mutz, VNGH (661) 867-2808 or

Mark "Pokey" Crawford, Clampatriarch (661) 993-7907 or


Mike "MGM" Ramirez-Mares, Cyberrecorder (818) 517-8781 or

Click on the Shield to go ECV's Official Chapter Websites.

Cyber Whang -- Official Clamper Chapter Websites on the Net
Don't worry, Pete.  You'll get him on points!

E Clampus Vitus, ECV and Clampers, are registered trade marks and used by permission of E Clampus Vitus, Inc. All rights are reserved.

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