Welcome to the CLOG Closet
The News Archive of Peter Lebeck
Kern County Chapter of E Clampus Vitus ®
MINUS 2 - From Spring'18 Doin's Announcement
Posted 3.11.18 -- By MGM
So if we are going to the fair, but the fair isn't until September, why are we going in April? Well the short answer is that we were invited by the fair to plaque the fair, and we'd be right fairly pleased to have you join us, Thursday through Sunday, April 12-15th, as we celebrate "Redshirts at the Fair" -- PXL's 57th Annual Spring Doin's!
So as promised, here's the skinny on the fair. The Kern County Agricultural Fair, usually just called the "The Fair," has been going on since 1916. It typically last for 12 days and happens every September. The Kern County Fair and Event Center, which is also often just called "The Fair," was established at its present location in 1956, and comprises 160 acres of event space that includes show rings, exhibit buildings, grandstands and even RV Parking. Events are held at The Fair year round -- everything from concerts to car and livestock shows, and exhibitions of just about any kind you can think of.
When our Humbug, Doc Wallace, discovered that in its entire 102 year history no one had even plaqued the Fair, he called the people at California's "15th District Agricultural Association," which owns, operates and does business as "The Kern County Fair," to see if they would be interested in having us memorialize Fair history. The Fair enthusiastically agreed, and in appreciation the Peter Lebeck Chapter of E Clampus Vitus has been invited by the Fair to the Fair, where we will dedicate a plaque to the Fair on Saturday morning of our Spring Doin's. Capiche?
So won't you join the Brothers of your favorite piss poor bear wrassler, Peter Lebeck, for an extended weekend at the Kern County Fair and Event Center, in Bakersfield? This is one you won't want to miss and access to this one is easy. The fairgrounds are in town. We'll be Clamping on flat ground along a tree lined private access road behind the main grandstand. We'll have the place pretty much to ourselves. The area is grassy, with plenty of room for tents and RVs, and the Fair has agreed to provide optional electricity and water hook-ups for $25 a night. We'll even have free access to showers and flush potties. And while no one is going to let us dig a fire pit in the show ring, burn barrels are allowed, but please, no dogs, retreads or whiney PBCs.
Early arrivals will be welcome starting 12 noon on Thursday, April 12th, but if you come early you'll want to bring enough victuals to tide you over until Friday Dinner, when Peter Lebeck will roll out our famous weekend feedbag. But if you arrive early, don't despair; no one ever gets lonesome at a PXL Clampout. We'll be firing up the big communal grill on Thursday afternoon. Bring some meat and your favorite libation; you'll be joining a manly bull session like no other in Clamperdom. Bring a little extra to share, especially if you have a favorite recipe, and the bull (bear, snake or whatever) is really gonna fly.
Friday afternoon you won't want to miss the Humbug's Meet 'n' Greet at 5:03 PM, at the PXL Tittie Bar, followed by a chicken and barbequed rib dinner at the Cook Shack, prepared by Brother Carlos Lemus and the Spinner Brigade. We'll end the night's fun with an "open mic" -- Clamper Poetry, Redshirt Tales, Karaoke and whatever else tickles your fancy.
Saturday morning you'll want to get up for our Graybeards Potluck Breakfast. We provide the eggs, you bring us your breakfast meat and other goodies, and our Graybeards and newbie cook crew will whip it up into something yummy. For lunch expect Clampshef Airdale Miller's slow-clamped pulled pork sandwiches, while for dinner you get your choice of ribeye steak or barbequed chicken with all the fixin's.
So what will this cost you, you ask? Well if you get your rub in to us by April 6th, it's $65 for Redshirts and $75 for PBCs. While you can still pay at the gate it's $15 more if you miss the deadline. Remember, Peter Lebeck does not provide alcohol, but at this price you can't go wrong. The Humbug has also reserved 80 copies of the pin of the day for the first 80 eighty guys who send in their dust. Last year's spring doin's at Tehachapi nearly topped 100, so you want to act on this now!
The other thing you'll want to bring is a PBC. Doc has a great crew taking care of business this fall, honchoed by our Hangman, Scott "Curley" Gow, who has a great sense of humor. If you've ever wanted to have a friend taken in, PXL is the place to do it.
At PXL we don't do dirty, but we do make sure that candidates experience our camaraderie first hand so that they know why becoming a Clamper is one of the best things that could ever happen to a man. PBCs are free to fraternize with the Brethren through Friday night, but on Saturday we get them up early and put them through their paces. We emphasize service, brotherhood and history, and on Saturday night we'll celebrate your PBCs ordeal with one of the finest HOCOs in all of Clamperdom, produced by our Clampsthespian, Dave "Boulder" Staley.
What we do ask of sponsors is that they make sure that their PBC is familiar with the PBC Handbook, has a bribe fit to impress our board and that he be ready to deliver a five minute history presentation, real or otherwise. As his sponsor it is your responsibility to provide him with a bribe if didn't bring one, and to cram him full of a five minute history presentation if he did not prepare one. We don't ask a lot, but we do expect your PBC to stand and deliver before the Redshirts assembled.
Any fool can wear a watermelon on his head, get oatmeal poured down his pants or crawl though the "tunnel of luv," but all that even teaches a PBC is that Clampers are a bunch of sadistic a**h****, and what begets one, begets the other. The real Clamper test is whether your guy can look us in the eye and show us that he is worthy of a Red Shirt. Brotherhood should mean just that, and we only want those whose friendship you value and are worthy to be taken in. By 2:33 p.m. on Saturday, everybody will be on deck to see your would be Brother perform and you do not want to end up being the goat, you want to be the hero.
If you've ever been to one of our Doin's then you know us Lebeckians as a bunch of friendly guys of different backgrounds and persuasions. "From Brain Surgeons to Drain Surgeons," as our Clampatriarch Emeritus, Timbo Gillespie likes to say. We make a point of making visitors feel welcome, and we aren't so big that you'll ever feel lost at one of our Doin's. In fact, about half of our members have come to us from other chapters because they feel at home with us. So if you've never been to a Lebeck Doin's, or haven't been for a while, now's the time to come on by. We'll leave the gate open for you. Just go to our registration page to get started. See you at the Fair!
MGM, XNGH -- "Recording No Cyber Before Its Time." ...and remember to Love us on Facebook
Posted 2.25.18 -- By MGM
Excuse the mess, but I wanted to get the electronic registration up and running by today to give everybody a chance to get an early start. I'll post something longer later, but for now just click on the Ferris Wheel above to go to our Internet Registration Page where you can avoid a trip down your driveway to your mailbox and use PayPal to boot! If you don't see the Ferris Wheel make sure to click the refresh button on your browser. Back at you shortly.
Posted 2.23.18 -- By MGM
Hello, fellow Cloggites! Thanks to all who made it to the Widders' Ball. The photos are up on our Facebook Page, with thanks to Max "The Flash" Felser for his work. Now that the door to Peter's Picture Pages has been fixed, the photos will be posted here as well; but first things first. The Spring Procs has gone out in the mail, and some of you have already sent in you rub for the Spring Doin's by snail mail. For the rest of you, electronic registration and PayPal should be up shortly. As usual, you'll be able to read all about it, download the flyer, the PBC handbook and more. See you back in few days!
Posted 1.15.18 -- By NGH Dale "Top" Turner
Greetings fellow Clampers,
This will most likely be my last Humbugs Blast. In just 12 days I will be passing the Staff of Relief to VNGH (Humbug Erectus) Myrl "Doc" Wallace at the PXL Widders' Ball on Saturday, 27 January 2018, at the Homewood Suites in Bakersfield.
Here is a update on what's taken place since the Fall Doin's:
o The Humbug Erectus & Vice Humbug Erectus, with the support of their Widders, have been working diligently getting everything ready for the Widders' Ball. Once again the music entertainment will be provided by Carlos "Spinner" Lemus. We still have spots available just remember we only have room for 100. XNGH Jim "Bullseye" Bailey has made his hotel and staff available to us again this year. There have been some cosmetic changes made at the hotel which you'll find most pleasant. If you have not been to a PXL Widders' Ball you're missing a good time for both you and your Widder. For those who will be staying at the Homewood Suites you'll enjoy a nice breakfast in the morning which is included with your stay. Just click here to go to our 2018 Widders' Ball Page for more, but do it right away!
o There will be a Corporate meeting for all members and current and incoming Officers and Functionaries on Saturday, 27 January 2018, at 1300. The PXL Hospitality Room will open at 1500. The Bar will be an "open Bar" that will also include snacks. XNGH Bob Cordes has volunteered to help at the bar, thank you Bob.
o We have signed up five more Associate Members since the Fall Doin's bringing our total to 25 for Clamper Year 6022 (2017). These are some quality Clampers who have demonstrated their ability to multitask, being able to do two fisted drinking while adding a little more class to PXL Chapter. Remember we want Quality not Quantity.
o The "Clamper Saturday Get Away" has proven to be a great success. Since our first gathering at the Elks Lodge #2379, in Canyon Country back in July 2017, we have averaged twenty-two Clampers each month for the two to three hour gathering, sipping libations and enjoying a hot dog or two. We have experienced some most Satisfactory interaction with fellow Clampers from Platrix, Bodie and Slim Princess. The gatherings are held the first or second Saturday of the month. An Email notice goes out at least ten days before the date of our "Clamper Saturday Get Away." To get on the Email list just send your Name and Email to me at email@example.com.
Our next gathering will be Saturday, February 3, 2018, starting at 12 Noon. We will be here for a couple of hours, leaving you plenty of time to get home and finish those "Hunny Do" projects before dinner. Many thanks to Dave "Boulder" Staley and Fred "Flintstone" Fenski who have made the drive from Frasier Park to Canyon Country for the Clamper Get Away. Also, special thanks to Max "Flash" Fesler who has attended and taken pictures at all of our "Clamper Saturday Get Aways."
o The PXL Cook Trailer has been relocated from Atascadero to Canyon County. Russ "Hole" Chapman, XNGH delivered the trailer to the new Wagon Master Guy "Guido" Cornell. The trailer now sits on secured private property. The new Wagon Master has put together a Wagon Crew consisting of about four or five Red Shirts that will conduct periodic preventive maintenance on the trailer. A member of that crew, Mike "12 Volt" Mazzetti, will be installing a solar charging unit on the trailer that will insure the portable lighting system used at our Clampouts stays fully charged. Thanks to Russ "Hole" for all his past contributions in storing, upgrading and keeping our trailer safe for a number of years at no expense to the chapter.
o PXL Hawker Kevn "No Eye" Horton has been introduced to a future PBC, Paul "The Tee Shirt Guy" Gleim. Paul has already recreated a PXL shirt that was made some 15 to 20 years ago depicting Peter Lebeck and the Bear before the fight. This shirt is sure to be a big hit, and you can pick yours up at our Spring Doin's. You'll have to order and pay for your shirt ahead of time by calling "No Eye" at 661-823-4643. He will take your size and your Gold Dust. The Shirt will probably not be offered on the Spring Registration Form.
Paul "The Tee Shirt Guy" has also created a most Satisfactory Pocket Tee with the PXL Logo on the Pocket and a full PXL Logo on the back. You'll also want to check out the other great items that will be available at our Spring Doin's. For those who'd like a collared shirt, we'll have one available that features an embroidered PXL Logo on the pocket. These shirts will be "Pre-Order only," so you'll want to call "No Eye" and place your order now to avoid missing out. There are great things happening at our PXL Hawker Booth for 6023 (2018).
o Emperor Norton Day 2018: Vice Noble Grand Humbug Myrl "Doc" Wallace represented PXL Chapter 1866 on January 6th, 6023. After paying his respects at the Emperors' Grave at Woodland Cemetery, Colma, CA, our Humbug Erectus went to Molloy's bar to reflect on this self-proclaimed Emperor of the United States.
o Our newly appointed Grand Noble Recorder Mark "Pokey" Crawford is being brought up to speed on his new assignment by your current Humbug. "Pokey" is well versed in the use of Microsoft Excel and will be an asset to the Chapter. He is looking forward to attending the Widders' Ball and plans to help with check-in.
Well, that's about it. I'm sure I'll think of something I missed just as soon as I hit the SEND Button. Hope to see many of you at the Widders' Ball. Be well.
Posted 10.07.17 -- By MGM
Photos from Clamp Okihi IV - - PXL's Fall Clampout - - "Oktoberfest along the Kern," have been posted to our picture pages. Special thanks to Max "The Flash" Felser for helping out throughout the weekend and especially for taking over photo duties on Saturday. This time we have two sets of photos for your enjoyment. If you cant find yourself in either bunch, you probably weren't there.
Posted 09.29.17 -- By NGH Dale "Top" Turner
Brothers in Red,
I Just want to take a moment to thank all who attended our Fall Clampout at Camp Okihi. Your support is unwavering and has helped to make my Humbug year a most Satisfactory one. Special thanks goes to my Officers and Functionaries who came together as a team and made it a Satisfactory Clampout for all the brothers.
We had four of the hardest working PBC's under the direction of Hangman Howard "Meat Rub" Zerbe who did an outstanding job. No whining from any of them, and what concerned me most is every time I looked at them they were smiling at me. I found myself checking to see if my fly was open. All four had an upbeat attitude and it was an honor to see them put on their Red Shirts. They are going to make great Clampers, and productive ones, if there is such a thing.
Kudos to Clamper Andreas "Fault Line" Gorbea who sold the raffle sticks. He set a new record, $815.00 in Raffle Stick Sales. He now bears the title of "Clamp Extortionist." That's the title given to him by our Vice, Myrl "Doc" Wallace. Fault Line also did an outstanding job as Bar Keep assisted by Myrl Wallace Jr. They kept the action around the bar at a high level and watched in awe as the Brothers put down some booze!
Much thanks to all the brothers who donated a total of $270.00 for the repair of the neon sign located at Sue's Tavern, our ECV watering hole in Frazier Park. The funds will be used for repair of the sign and for two new flags for the ECV Flagpole we erected two years ago with the hard work of Bedrock Brothers Dave Staley and Fred Fenski -- men who fear no concrete.
I'll be on the road for the next eleven days spending time with my Marine Corps brethren. Before I head out I'll be working on the After Action Report with Grand Noble Recorder, Mark "Scoop" Mutz. We will get that report out to you all in the near future. I think you are going to be pleased.
Again, on behalf of myself and the PXL Graybeards, I thank you for all your support and dedication to Peter Lebeck Chapter 1866 / ECV.
Your very proud Humbug,
Dale "Top" Turner, PXL NGH #56
Posted 09.21.17 -- By MGM
Hail Redshirts! PXL's Oktoberfest Weekend at Clamp Okihi starts today, Thursday, September 21st. Here are a few quick notes.
Dickhead Weather Central has gutted the chicken and is prognosticating good weather for this outing. Today expect partly cloudy conditions but sunny through the rest of the weekend with little to no chance of rain. Winds up to 13 mph (aka "muffs"), which will lessen through Sunday, with nighttime lows in the mid-50's and with a high today of 72, warming into the high 70's and low 80's by Sunday afternoon. Bring some firewood for the communal fire pit. The Oracle has spoken!
Gates open today at 12 noon, earlier than expected. If you get there any sooner you'll block traffic on the roadway, you'll p*ss off the Humbug, and he'll draft you to go to the other side of the river to fill up the water drum and bring it back. Don't forget, Okihi has no potable water so bring something other than beer to quench your thirst.
Our first official meal is on Friday night, so remember to bring something to tide you over until then. For Thursday dinner, Humbug Dale "Top" Turner expects to fire up the big barbeque so you'll have somewhere to cook your meat and shoot the bull. He also expects out kit to arrive early Thursday afternoon so if you're on hand don't be shy about "joining the circus." Dave Staley and Fred Fenski, our Circus Masters, would appreciate everyone's help unpacking our kitchen and awnings. It doesn't take much time to set up, and it's a fun way to meet the guys. Same with Sunday when we promise you'll be able to unmeet them.
Friday morning, assuming our kitchen is up and running, yours truly will be making pancakes, compliments of the chapter. So stay humgry, my friends.
Have a safe drive up, and don't miss the Humbug's "Meet und Greet" at 5 p.m., on Friday, which kicks off the official party. As always you can download the flyer and get directions to Clamp Okihi off of our registration page. Clamp Okihi is close enough to civilization that you should be able to use your cell phone, but we are still about 8 miles from the nearest store, so come prepared. Peter Lebeck Chapter does not provide alcohol but if you imbibe, don't drive. We strongly discourage anyone from driving if they have had anything to drink.Lastly we are guests of the Kern County Parks with whom we have a good reputation. Leave you camp as you found it, don't break the sprinklers and turn your sound systems down after 9 p.m. Otherwise, forget the Humbug. Rumor has it that Joe Szot is coming and you really, really don't want to p*ss him off!
See you there!
MGM, XNGH -- "Recording No Cyber Before Its Time." ...and remember to Love us on Facebook
Posted 08.08.17 -- By Timbo
TRINKSPRUCH, REDSHIRTS! Come September 21-24th, 6022, NGH Dale" Top" Turner, in corporate collusion with the Greybeards of Peter Lebeck 1866, invites you and all redshirts in good standing to join us for our dubiously derived "Oktoberfest Celebration along the Kern River, Clamper Style" at Camp Okihi!
Great weather, a beautiful Clampsite, a Friday German meal delight, Bauer Seufzer, also known as a "Farmer's sigh," und sauerkraut that will surely add to the tooting of the evening. Dinner will be preceded by the lifting of our steins as we toast "Trinkspruch" to our fellow red shirt brothers and start the weekend celebration. So, break out your Lederhousen, your beer stein and come join us for a great Oktoberfest celebration. Just click on this Clamp Okihi link to learn more!
Our Clamp Hostrix Jeremy "Miter Box" Langley has plans for stein holding contest Friday night before and after the full meal. You may well ask yourself, "Self -- what the hell am I getting myself into?" To which you reply, "Only the most fun a selfie like myself can legally have with my pants on! 'Scuse me. SZOT! PUT THAT GOAT DOWN! Sorry about that. As I was saying, we offer fun on a colossal scale, with great grub, PBCs for entertainment, and a corps of officers who.....well, let's just say we have a corps of officers who in their sober moments have some fun activities planned for our weekend, starting with Friday Night's post-sauerbraten, Beer drinking and Stein Holding Contest.
What's the deal, you ask? Such a deal we heartily reply! $65 American. Yessir! Beat the deadline and it's only 65 greenbacks, marks or dead Czars. Unless you're a PBC, in which case it would be $75, a bargain at twice the price since it includes a "Golden Shower," if you're so inclined (We recommend a nice Pilsner, but we're not sure what you were thinking).
So mail your rub by September 15th, or use our website's Electronic Sign-up & Paypal link. Either way your dust must be in our hands by September 15th or you'll pay $80 for late registration or at the gate.
EVEN if you're paying at the gate, please let us know ahead of time so we can buy enough food. That way you won't be eating ALPO with Jack the Dingo while the rest of us sup on Saturday's Steak. No one wants to swat you on the nose with a newspaper to keep you off of their plate.
Remember, our famous feedbag goes on Friday night, starting with an Oktoberfest Special Plate cooked by our own Chef Kenton "Airdale" Miller and continues through Sunday morning. We're also BYOB, so check the attached flyer and our website for details.
GRAB YOUR LEDERHOSEN
After Friday night's gastronomic tour through das Bierzelt, be prepared to let it all hang out, but don't get too "Ogschdocha" (Drunk) we don't want you "Schbei'm" all over your fellow clampers.
Then let the warmth pour over you as you settle in for the best open mic night in all of Clamperdom with XNGH Russ "Der Hole" Chapman. No, it's not your Dong Show, but more like our Clong Show. Regale your fellow Clampers with your wit, wisdom, anecdotes, jokes, tales of debauchery, and plain old silliness. The winner of the contest will get to NOT see DH naked, except for DH's leather apron. Silliness will be the order of the evening!
Then for those who haven't had enough (because we know you guys are into self-abuse) we'll top off Friday Night's fun with Clamper Karaoke and German dance. Ably hosted by our Brother Carlos "Spinner" Lemus, with Spinner's tunes and your help, we can make the cows surrender!
NOW ON TO CHAPTER NEWS!
Eighty Brothers joined us at Brite Lake, Tehachapi for our Spring Doin's. Seven new brothers were brought into the Brotherhood bringing our attendance to 87. The weekend at the lake, although windy and chilly, was a great adventure and a good time had by all.
That Saturday morning a plaque was erected and dedicated at "The Old Tehachipi Cemetery," honoring Constable Thomas Godwin, where the PBC's cleaned and groomed the Godwin Family grave site prior to the ceremony. On May 13th a second plaque was dedicated at Bakersfield's old Union Cemetery honoring the not to be forgotten Clarence Charles Pierce.
On May 18th to the 21st, NGH "Top" Turner and VNGH "Doc" Wallace represented the Chapter at Grand Council, Sonora, California, with seven of our PXL brothers attending the three-day event.
For our Fall Doin's Hawker Extraordinaire Kevn "No-Eye" Horton and Flying Hawk Tackle Jim " Man Handles" Mann, will have new pins and ECV items that you just won't be able to live without, so head on over to the Hawker's Table and support your Chapter!
2001 HARLEY DAVIDSON "1200 SPORTSTER" RAFFLE
Clampers always enjoy a game of chance, and this motorcycle could be yours just by purchasing a raffle ticket. This fully tricked-out vintage ride is the perfect Clamper color, and with only 3200 miles on the odometer, it will serve the winner well for many years to come. No Eye has a great deal for you… a single raffle ticket for $50.00 could land you this motorcycle, but purchase three tickets for $120.00 and our Hawker we will throw in a free ECV/PXL Scrub for you to proudly strut your stuff and show your true colors.
The drawing will be held on Saturday, October 14th at the world famous "Dog House Saloon" 777 W. Tehachapi Blvd, Tehachapi, California, and the winner need not be present to win. Proceeds will be used to support future PXL plaquings.
Following our Fall Clampout at Camp Okihi, the Chapter we will gather for our annual Chapter Business meeting in Frazier Park. The meeting will be held on Saturday, November 18, 2017 at La Sierra Mexican Restaurant, 3500 Mt. Pinos Way, Frazier Park Show up early for breakfast 0900 followed by the meeting at 1100.
VNGH Myrl "Doc" Wallace will present his proposed list of Officers and Functionaries for 2018 along with his selected Spring and Fall Clampsite and Plaque locations. If you have something to say, this is the place to do it. Let your voice be heard and join us.
For major updates and details about what's coming down the pike (or up the flume, as the case may be) make sure to read the PXL CLOG at www.peterlebeckecv.com. XNGH Mikee "MGM" Ramirez spends a lot of time and money keeping us on top of things in a stylish manner, so please don't let all of his efforts go to waste. It's the best website in Clamperdom!
BUT MOST ESPECIALLY FOR…
Lastly, there is a women's shelter in Bakersfield to which Peter Lebeck Chapter has been donating to formany years. So when you come to a PXL Doin's please help the less fortunate by bringing a few personal care items for the ladies and children in distress who have often had to leave home with little but the clothes on their backs. Things like shampoo, powder, hair conditioner, disposable razors and body lotion will help give these ladies a sense of worth and dignity. Travel sizes are appreciated, too! Toys and learning supplies (pencils, crayons, construction paper and the like) will also allow the kids some semblance of a childhood. If you don't know what to get, ask your Widder, or a store clerk, for help. Don't be a Scrooge McClamper! Take the price of an 18 pack or your favorite bottle and make a difference in the life of someone less fortunate.
Timbo Gillespie, XXNGH -- "PXL Clamp Crier" ...and remember to Love us on Facebook
Posted 08.03.17 -- By MGM
Your humble Cyberrecorder (that would be me) is still working on some of the detail pages, but the electronic sign-up portal, including Paypal, is now operational. I hope to have our website update completed by early next week, but in the meantime, thanks for your patience and please register for "Clamp Okihi IV -- Octoberfest Along the Kern!" --MGM
Posted 07.14.17 -- By MGM
Thanks to all who made our Spring Doin's a great success. Sign-up for our fall doin'd will be up shortly. --MGM
For more information contact:
Mark "Pokey" Crawford, NGH (661) 993-7907 or Crawford562@Yahoo.com
Kevn "No Eye" Horton, VNGH (661) 472-0414 or ThePXLstore@yahoo.com
Al "The Quack" Price, Clampatriarch (661) 867-2414 or firstname.lastname@example.org
Mike "MGM" Ramirez-Mares, Cyberrecorder (818) 517-8781 or Cyberrecorder@ECV1866.org
- Clog Closet Last Archived June 1, 2019