Peter Lebeck Chapter #1866

The Kern County Chapter of E Clampus Vitus ®
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Welcome to the CLOG Closet
The News Archive of Peter Lebeck
Kern County Chapter of E Clampus Vitus ®

Cool Ride?

MINUS 3 - From Spring'17 Doin's Announcement

 

Posted 03.20.17 -- By MGM

Welcome Cloggites! It's most satisfactory to have you back. It's been awhile so let's dig in right away.

NGH Dale 'Top' Turner!

Why Brite Lake, you say? Because Stupid Lake was booked up? No, Bro', it's because PXL doesn't do stupid. Besides, most of us are smarter than a fifth grader and we're ready to level up. The question is, are you?

If that's the case, then won't you please join us the weekend of April 28-30, 2017, when the Brothers of your favorite piss poor bear wrassler, Peter Lebeck, will be meeting in Tehachapi for our 2017 Spring Doin's. Our Humbug, Dale "Top" Turner, has picked a real doozy. He wore out his new knee pads begging Tehachapi Valley Recreation & Parks to let us come Clamping at Brite Lake, and now you can be the beneficiary of all that groveling. Words to the wise. It ain't easy being the Humbug at PXL so you need to make this one happen! OK?

Brite Lake!

Springtime makes Brite Lake one of the choicest spots in all of Kern County as it prominently features - are you ready? -- water with fish in it. In fact "Top" is offering his world famous "Water with Fish in It" Guarantee to everyone who ventures out to our Spring Doin's. Truth be told we're still smarting from Fall 2012 when some Boy Scout heard we were headed up to Camp Whitsett and pulled the plug on Lake Ida before we could pop the cork back in.

Well that's not going to happen this time. As Top says, Brite Lake is the ideal place to experience the "Sweetness of Doing Nothing." It's actually a reservoir in the Tehachapi Mountains, and while you shouldn't swim, boat, or kayak in it, fishing is OK, but you'll need a fishing license if you want the trout and bass to have their way with you.

Pavillion 3, yes sir'ree!

The parks people have agreed to rope off the area around Pavilion 3 for our use so we should have no problems engaging in our usual shenanigans. There's plenty of room for RVs and tents, though don't expect any hook-ups. You'll also want to bring whatever water and shade you'll need, plus clothing for those cool mountain evenings. Bringing a propane heater would also be a good idea. Wood for the fire ring is also good, but no dogs or burn barrels this trip.

The other thing you'll want to bring is a PBC. Top has a great crew taking care of business this year, including "Scoop the Hangman" who has a great sense of humor. If you've ever wanted to have a friend taken in, now is the time, and PXL is the place to do it.

At PXL we don't do dirty, but we do make sure that candidates experience our camaraderie first hand on Friday so that they know why becoming a Clamper is one of the best things that could ever happen to a man. On Saturday we put the newbies through their paces. We give them lots of history and celebrate their ordeal with one of the finest HOCOs in all of Clamperdom. By Saturday evening every survivor knows brotherhood and that brotherhood has its rewards. He's also guaranteed to know which side of his bread has Bondo on it.

Friendly Guys!

If you've ever been to one of our Doin's then you know us Lebeckians as a bunch of friendly guys of different backgrounds and persuasions. "From Brain Surgeons to Drain Surgeons," as our Clampatriarch Emeritus, Timbo Gillespie likes to say. We make a point of making visitors feel welcome, and we aren't so big that you'll ever feel lost at one of our Doin's. In fact, about half of our members have come to us from other chapters because they feel at home with us.

But we do want to keep our chapter vibrant with new, quality brethren, particularly if they will make PXL their home base from the start, and that's what we're pitching this trip. In that vein we have delayed a proposed $20 increase to our PBC rub, which even at twice the price is a steal. For now it remains $75 if he prepays.

No Eye and Man Handles!

As for you Redshirts, due to increased expenses we've had to raise our rub $10. It probably should have been $20, but we didn't want to leave behind any Brothers on a tight budget. Those extra bucks will help make sure we break even, and hopefully give us more flexibility about where we go and what we do next.

But if you happen to have some extra dust weighing you down, don't be shy about visiting our Clampstore where our Hawker "No Eye," and his Tackles, Kodi and "Man Handles," will take satisfactory care of you. You (and your wallet) will be "enlightened" by the experience, believe me.

So come on up to Brite Lake! Top has a great weekend of "nothing" planned for all of us starting with Friday afternoon's Hot Tottie Meet 'n' Greet, where VNGH "Doc" Wallace will be presenting his research into GROGS served aboard Phoenician Men O' War, during the 5th Century Achaemenid (Persian) Empire.

Experience our Camaraderie!

But just in case you didn't know already, PXL is a BYOB Chapter, so if you'd like to bring something to help lubricate Doc's rather dry presentation, that should help him get a good start - - though it's not likely to do much for Doc's forehand. But never fear! For that we have Clamps Hostrix, "Mitre Box" Langley, who will act as master of ceremonies, and also clean up the place. So meet them both at the libations center at 5:58 pm. You'll have a great start to a fun evening.

Friday Dinner will be hot pasta topped by Airdale's favorite red sauce and Imported Donkey Sausage, followed by our famous Yucca-Off, and lots of lies, jokes, drunken cowboy poetry and off-key singing. You're contributions never go unrewarded - so it's best to offer up your PBC in your stead before taking the plunge yourself.

Airdale will FEED YOU!

On Saturday Top thinks we ought to be able to sleep in for a change. As part of his campaign to promote the Zen of doing nothing, the PBCs and PXL Graybeards will be cooking our "famous potluck breakfast" for brunch, which will be served about 10:21 am. Contribute what you can please, but leave the eggs at home so the chickens don't miss them. Also keep in mind that on this trip we won't be eating dinner until 5:00 pm, and that the HOCO is set for 7:15 pm at night.

If you have a PBC, make sure he comes prepared! As his sponsor it is your responsibility to provide him with a bribe if didn't bring one, and to cram him full of a five minute history presentation if he did not prepare one. We don't ask a lot, but we do expect your PBC to stand and deliver. Any guy can wear a watermelon on his head, get oatmeal poured down his pants or crawl though the "tunnel of luv," but all that teaches a PBC is that Clampers are sadistic a**h****. The real test is whether your guy can look us in the eye and show us that he is worthy to be one of us. By 2:33 pm, everybody will be on deck to see him perform and you do not want to end up being the goat, you want to be the hero.

Experience our Camaraderie!

When you sign-up, whether by internet or snail mail, make sure you specify a dinner preference between Ribeye steak, BBQ Chicken or the Marcel Marceau pantomime special. As usual dinner comes with all the fixxin's, including Timbo's double award winning Clamper Beans.

Finally we'll be wrapping up our planned Saturday Night festivities with a short raffle at 8:15 pm, followed by more shenanigans. All in all we expect it to be a most memorable weekend, or at least one you'll tell others you sort of remember as one of the greatest Clampouts of all time.

Make sure you make the April 21st sign-up deadline or it's a $1000 more at the gate and we send you home without your rims and spare tire. Just go to our registration page to get started. It's where the rubber meets the road!

Email MGM.

MGM, XNGH -- "Recording No Cyber Before Its Time."
...and remember to Love us on Facebook

 

 

 

Posted 10.31.16 -- By MGM

A Brother Needs our HELP! Hello Brothers, we haven't done this for a while, but when we hold up the sign of the ill jackass, we mean it. For "while no widows are apt to respond to it, it will at all times and places bring Brother Clampers from far and near" to help a Brother in distress.

This time it's Bedrock that is looking to us for help. Most of you know Damon "Barney Trouble" Patterson. He's a PXL Brother and son of Ring Master Fred "Flintstone" Fenski of Frazier Park. Well Damon has fallen on some hard times due to illness. He's been waylaid with a severe case of pancreatitis that has kept him hospitalized for nearly a month. While as a veteran, Damon was fortunate enough to qualify for treatment at a government facility, Brother Barney incurred some serious medical bills before being transferred to the VA about three weeks ago.

Because Damon is self-employed he has little to fall back on, and he could really use our help keeping the coyotes away from his door, so for the next two weeks we are asking you to give, even if it's just a few bucks you might otherwise spend on a six pack. And while we're hoping that some of you might give a bit more, we're hoping that those six packs add up.

Now keep in mind that this isn't part of our usual non-profit activity. The money you give is not tax deductible, and you won't get any recognition except maybe from the Man upstairs. At the end of the day no one will know who gave what, but doing it this way is in the best Clamper tradition. It is how Redshirts have always provided for our Brothers in distress. It's personal, but anonymous, and one of the best ways to reaffirm the bonds of our Brotherhood.

So we've created a couple way to get this done. Clicking on Damon's photo will take you to a Paypal page where you can make a donation. If you'd rather give by mail send your dust to Peter Lebeck #1866, c/o Myrl "Doc" Wallace, GNR/Asst. GDR, 3292 Ferndale DR, Santa Maria, CA 93455. Please do it by November 16, 2016. We'll make sure Damon gets it, and we'll make sure to let you know how we made out and how Damon is doing.

To get back to our Facebook Page, click here.

--MRM

 

Posted 9.26.16 -- By MGM

Thanks to all who made it up to Bald Eagle Ranch for our most laid back Fall Doin's. We could have asked for better weather but we'd get punished for being greedy. Keep an eye out for the PXL CLOG --Coming Soon!

 

Posted 9.23.16 -- By MGM

Dickhead Weather Central!

Here's the last minute weather skinny from Dickhead Weather Central for our Fall Doin's at Bald Eagle Ranch in Havilah. Expect NO RAIN. I know you are all disappointed, but all I can say is next time dance harder, get on your knees and use bigger rugs. On the up side, we expect it to be about 10 degrees cooler than in Bakersfield and even cooler than in L.A. where temperatures should hit the century mark on Sunday. Look forward to daytime highs in the 70's on Friday and in the 80's on Saturday and Sunday. We don't expect it to drop below 50 degrees in the evening, but that still means you'll need a jacket.

You're also welcome to bring your propane heater, but open fires and burn barrels are verboten given the dry conditions. All roads leading to Havilah are open including Lake Isabella Highway, so the Cedar Fire 30 miles away and north of Lake Isabella will not be a problem. There are currently no fires in the Havilah / Walker Basin / Caliente Areas. Should you find the hint of smoke to be an issue, please have a Margarita on our Humbug and repeat until the anxiety has passed. Operators are standing by to connect you directly to Smokey Bear who has promised to include all interested Clampers in the group hug.

EMERGENCY CONTACT INFORMATION. Bald Eagle Ranch is out of cell range. If need be (or for that matter, if you get lost) you or your Widder can call our hosts Wes and Janet Kutzner at (760) 379-2636 and they will relay the message.

Friday Night dinner will be Pasta á la Frankie Bergolio, served with sweet Italian Sausage and a red sauce, about 7:00 p.m. Following dinner, please join our Humbug for his PXL exclusive "Margaritafest Meet and Greet," where the camaraderie awaits. Need more? Then go to our Fall Doin's Page for directions and additional details. Drive safely, and see you there!

--MGM

 

Posted 9.19.16 -- By MGM

The prepay discount is now over, but you can still sign-up for our Bald Eagle Ranch 2016 Fall Doin's by going to our Fall Doin's Page. Just click on Louie the Cybereagle. Letting us know ahead of time that you're coming is very much appreciated. You'll also find directions and other important information you're going to need if you intend to join us. See you Friday!

--MGM

 

Posted 9.15.16 -- By MGM

Dancing Eagle

The prepay deadline has arrived, so please sign-up now if you're coming next week to our fall Doin's at the Bald Eagle Ranch. It's the right thing to do, and the courtesy of letting us know that we should be expecting you is always appreciated. After all, Havilah is nowhere near any supermarkets, and you don't want to go trying to catch you own coyote meat for Saturday's feast when you can be noshing on a ribeye or scarfing on a big barbequed chicken breast. Just click on Louie the Cyber Eagle, above to go to our electronic registration page and get you started the PXL Way. And remember . . . If you are intending to bring a PBC, make sure you read the requirements, then download a copy of the PBC Handbook for your buddy ahead of time. We want you both to be looking good! The latest edition of the PXL CLOG will be up shortly.

--MGM

 

Posted 8.9.16 -- By MGM

Bald Eagle Ranch Logo.

The PXL Fall Doin's is headed your way! Now, by decree of our Humbug, Luis "Vaquero Bouza, with your choice of meat! Come September 23-25, 2016 (6021), The Brother of Peter Lebeck and their most esteemed guests will be doin' the Louie-Louie at the Bald Eagle Ranch in Havilah, California. All Redshirts in good standing and their PBCs are invited to come and enjoy a most relaxing weekend in the mountains of Kern County.

If you came here previously looking for our online sign-up, and couldn't find it, well that's because it wasn't here yet. We had to special order it from China where we expected it to be lovingly handcrafted by cloistered 10th degree Dumbillican Monks with bad attitudes. While that does not explain why it's arrived two weeks behind the snailmail flyer, perhaps next time the frolicking friars should put the right amount of postage on the package and write the address in Times New Roman instead of using that fancy-smancy "Dumbillican Chicken Scratch" font of theirs. And I still can't explain the Mexican Postmarks except to say that it looks like even the Dumbillicans are outsourcing these days.

Well, whatever. Suffice it to say that you can now use our newly imported Doin's pages to get all the info you need to sign-up and pay for the hottest ticket in Kern. You'll want to start with our Bald Eagle Ranch Page to gather a few quick particulars, then mosey on over to our Fall Doin's Registration Page where you can sign-up, get the flyer, schedule, directions, PBC Handbook and other goodies.

If you came here looking for the CLOG, you also came to the right place, but we ordered that one from the Vituscans, and who knows when that thing will show up. Though we suspect it may be sooner than you'd think. I hear they're outsourcing to Guatemala these days.

Email MGM.

MGM, XNGH -- "Recording No Cyber Before Its Time."
...and remember to Love us on Facebook

 

 

 

Posted 4.28.16 -- By MGM

Thanks to all who made it out to the Sh*t Howdy Ranch for our Spring Doin's, it was a great time! We'll see you this summer in Tehachapi for our Plaquing event. The photos will be up shortly, so check back soon! And don't forget to visit us on Facebook. --MGM

Posted 4.14.16 -- Amended 4.15 -- By MGM

Airdale in the Pot

Hopefully if you are reading this you're doing a last minute check for direction and instructions for Peter Lebeck's 2016 Spring Doin's. You'll find those, as well as the flyer in PDF form, on our registration page. But here's a few last minute tidbits just for you. You'll find more naughty bits further down into the CLOG so feel free to read on. It's good for you.

There is no cell service in Walker Basin so plan accordingly. You'll find the last best signal in Caliente or Bodfish. In case of Emergency ONLY your Next of Kin may call the Ranch House at 661-867-2414. Our host is Jayne Price so be polite. Weather is looking good for this weekend, and burn barrels are OK. Don't forget, you can open the gates starting at 10 a.m., Friday, just make sure to shut the gate behind you so the cows don't go on vacation. After that join us for Petey's Flying Circus. Then at 4 p.m., Humbug Luis Bouza will crack a snack and a beer in your honor at the Humbug's Meet and Greet, so don't miss it.

Due to circumstances beyond our control road kill will be off the menu for Friday night dinner. Friday's hot meal will still be on the house, but instead of assorted meat squash our new Clampchef, Kenton "Airdale" Miller, will be mixing up his favorite pasta al dente and salad on the side. Our Humbug and his vice, Dale Turner, will be adding the garlic toast and Italian sausage to go with it. Airdale offered to make Vegan sausage, but the idea of eating Ground Vegan didn't appeal to any of us so we asked him to tone it down a bit his first time out. Airdale is still looking for some kitchen help, but don't worry about ending up in the sauce. Clampers tend to be grisly and fatty anyway so no problem here turning you back to the cook. Besides, we'll be keeping an eye out for you.

We're still planning a Yucca-Off after Friday Dinner so make sure you come prepared for a good time. Come and compete. It's going to be a great party. See you in the mountains. Have a safe drive up!

--MGM

 

Posted 4.11.16 -- By MGM

Dickhead Weather Central!

The Early Prepay Discount is over, but you can still sign-up and use PayPal if you would like to pay over the internet. "Drop-ins" are welcome, but please drop us a line at Registration@ECV1866.org so we can keep an accurate count. It's 25 miles along mountain roads to the nearest grocery store and you don't want to have to drive -- or walk there -- 'cuz it's all up-hill on the way back.

Dickhead Weather Central reports that the weather is looking good for this weekend. It should be dry, with the high on Friday at about 60 degrees and partly cloudy, but improving to sunny and into the 70' for the rest of the weekend. As usual for the mountains this time of year bring your warm jammies for nigh-nigh time. See you there!

--MGM

 

Posted 4.4.16 -- By MGM

Sh*t Howdy Ranch!

Hello, intrepid Coggites! Final arrangements are set for our Spring Doin's at Sh*t Howdy Ranch, April 15-17th, and everything is looking Satisfactory. So if you have yet to sign-up don't put it off. The prepay deadline is this week, and if you're not registered and your dust is elsewhere than in our hands when we take a final count this weekend, expect to pay more at the door AND have to do ten push-ups, twenty if your belly touches the ground before your chest, and thirty if you can only do the girl kind. So why chance it, Bro'? Registration and prepayment is as close as your computer. And there are few funner ways to spend a spring weekend than to be hangin' with the Brothers of Peter Lebeck.

Our historian, Brother Al Price sent along some recent pictures of the Ranch that just about made our eyes water. While we're hardly California drought deniers, El Niño has definitely added more than a few extra green touches to the pastures of Walker Basin, and we expect the wild flowers to be in riotous assemblage by the time you head up to our latest Doin's.

Luis Bouza!

While we expect the days to be pleasant, make sure to bring warm clothes as evenings in the mountains can get quite nippy. Burn barrels will be allowed this time, but make sure to bring a bucket and a shovel, and to abide by the rules for their use. Fire regulations will be strictly enforced because we don't want you to be the dufus who sets the place on fire. Most of all, everybody will be required to have fun. No exceptions!

Clampers unable to enjoy themselves will be parceled out to the coyotes and bobcats for a game of "Meat the Clamper." But forestalling such a calamity is part of our job here at PXL, and to make such offerings to the local fauna unnecessary, our Humbug, Luis "Vaquero" Bouza, will be hosting a "Meet and Greet" Friday afternoon starting at 4 p.m. So you can let them know what you think of them, all current officers and functionaries are required to attend and are encouraged to bring snacks. Vaquero has committed to provide a satisfactory quantity of vegetarian libations primarily composed of barley, hops and water. Think of it as a cocktail hour without cocktails where you can come and wet your whistle at the Humbug's expense.

 

Howard 'Meatrub' Zerbe

Here's a few more choice details which you all should know by now if you have been paying attention. Gates open Friday morning at 10 a.m. Sorry, no early arrivals this trip. On your way up make sure to watch for livestock on the road, and close all gates behind you. We've promised not to perturb the neighbors so keep your stereos turned down during quiet hours, and keep your hands off the sheep. Friendly dogs are ok so long as you clean up after them in the clamping area and keep them away from the livestock. And don't' forget your fixin's for Friday night's Yucca-off!

PBCs are expected to clean up after themselves but will be allowed to meet, greet and mingle with the Brethren on Friday. Please turn you PBC over to our Hangman, Howard "Meatrub" Zerbe, upon your arrival. At PXL we allow no private forms of PBC harassment of any kind. PBCs must also have a bribe and historical presentation for our Board, and be familiar with the PBC Handbook. For more complete details, including registration, schedule, information about the ranch, directions, a copy of the PBC Handbook and more, go to the Spring Doin's Registration Page by clicking here.

 

VNGH Dale Turner

Several of us attended the Kern County Historical Society Symposium, on March 19th, at the Kern County Museum. KCHS Vice President, Jayne Hotchkiss-Price, Widder of our Brother Al Price, spent about a year putting these symposia together, and this second one was even more successful than the first. KCHS had over one hundred guests who were treated to several excellent presentations on local history and how and why to preserve it. Our VNGH, Dale "Top" Turner spoke on Joseph Walker and introduced the audience to E Clampus Vitus. XNGH Chris Brewer finished off the day with a sobering explanation of how irreplaceable historical documents and artifacts are being lost daily due to ignorance and indifference.

KCHS Symposium

In between, the best and most colorful talks were by local historians who described how their towns were established and had developed over the years, moving the discussion along with the help of old and new photos and anecdotes illustrating the past.

It was a day well spent. I even got to wander Pioneer Village during the lunch break. When it was all over what impressed me the most was how personal hometown history was to these presenters, and how important it was to them to keep it alive. Often driven by a sense of family and a sense of place, these people showed passion about their hometowns that drew sharp contrasts with any mere collection of facts you might find between the pages of a book. So to Jayne and all of KCHS, thanks for your invitation. The pleasure was all ours.

 

Joe and Gene, Ying and Yang!

Lastly, I just want to offer a quick update on the health of our Brother Joe "Roadrunner" Szot. I'm happy to report that Joe is getting better after his stroke. He's still wobbly as you might expect of anybody who is working hard on recovering from partial paralysis. The good news is that Joe can still talk which mens he can still bluff. He's going through therapy and may need a wheel chair to get around, but we're expecting him to make it up to Sh*t Howdy Ranch for the Spring Doin's just to beat Louie and the boys at poker. As a bonus, we also get Brother Dickhead, who'll be driving down from Carson City to party with the rest of Peter's Boys.

It's going to be a great weekend. See you there. And don't forget to register!

 

Email MGM.

MGM, XNGH -- "Recording No Cyber Before Its Time."
...and remember to Love us on Facebook

 

 

 

 

Posted 3.14.16 -- By Timbo Gillespie and MGM

Click to go to Registration Page!

Happy Pi Day, Cloggites! 3.1416 is here but before I turn the helm over to Brother Timbo, don't let the irrationality of the day slip away without indulging in the spirit of the moment. Have some Pi. Better yet, eat some Pi, too. There's all kinds to choose from, and no shortage if you know where to look. You can even go under cover! But before you go there, don't let the lights go out without first signing-up for the Peter Lebeck Spring Doin's. Just click on the Pi to learn why! Now here's TIMBO! ---MGM

Timbo Gillespie, ClampCrier!

LISTEN UP REDSHIRTS!! Once again, it is time to hose off the RV, take the tarp off the trailer, shake out the tent, or simply move all the crap out of your backseat so you can sleep in there if needs must. Whatever it takes to get 'er done, do it. Because come April 15th, it is once again time to venture into the wilds of Kern County (or at least to the Sh*t Howdy Ranch) and convene another weekend of frivolity and fraternity. T'is the Spring Doins' for Peter Lebeck 1866, and why would you even think about missing it? Tax time is over, theoretically, and after getting a reaming from Uncle Sam, what better way to drown your sorrows than to drown your sorrows?

More about this gala Clampout a bit later. As long as you are making your calendars, make sure to note next Saturday, March 19th. When the Kern County Historical Society will be holding the second of two symposia celebrating the County's 150th Anniversary. KCHS and the Kern County Museum will host the event from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., as part of its 75th Anniversary Celebration and admission is FREE. Featured speakers will include not only our Noble Grand Humbug Luis "Vaquero" Bouza, but also PXL's own celebrated Clampstorian Emeritus, XNGH Chris Brewer.

Your support for this event is greatly appreciated by us and our friends at KCHS, so come and hear Kern County history from some folks who really know how to tell it. This is also your chance to see Pioneer Village for free. The Kern County Museum has created and maintains a park with over fifty historical structures from around Kern County, and, especially if you have never seen this collection, you are in for a real treat.

Go to Kern Museum Site!

So please be there next Saturday, and support this event, to be held at the Kern County Museum's Standard School building in 'Pioneer Village', 3801 Chester Ave. Click Here for the Symposium Flyer and on the school house for museum information. Jayne Hotchkiss-Price is coordinating this event for KCHS. You can reach her at 661-867-2414.

We have an excellent relationship with the Kern County Historical Society, and it is important that we reciprocate the support they have extended to us. Additionally, on May 19th, our current Clampstorian, Brother Al Price and his Lovely Widder, Jayne Hotchkiss-Price, who are both active KCHS members, will be presenting a lecture at the Kern Museum. More details on this as it gets closer.

Speaking of history, Humbug Luis Bouza will have an important erection (aren't they all, at this age?) at Tehachapi's Westside Cemetery sometime this summer. Our monument for 2016 will provide a biographical history at the burial site of Avelino Martinez, the last known member of Joaquin Murrieta's gang of thieves and rustlers. Avelino was a Kern County pioneer who lived to be 112, and passed in 1936.

Destruction of the Road's End Plaque!

Although we are not calling for a work party on this one due to the unusual location (Avelino was notoriously short so we offered him a better view, but so far he has not responded), the lead time needed by the fabricator is especially long. We suspect that the folks there are not used to dealing with real live people especially Clampers. But not to worry, we will certainly advise the Brethren in a timely manner so that you and your Widder will have ample time to plan on attending our summer erection.

After a proper announcement and dedication at the grave site, we will retire to the local VFW hall for a family friendly celebration, where VNGH Dale "Top" Turner has arranged for an excellent reception. As soon as we have determined an exact date and time, information will be posted on the CLOG and emailed to everyone on our list.

Brother Charles Topping reports that reconstruction of our plaque at Road's End has been delayed pending the ability of some of the groups involved to secure funding. As we get more information on this we will pass it along. Constructions cost, not including our personal time and expenses, would be roughly $2,000.

Noble Grand Widder, Brandi Bailey!

Our 2016 Widders Ball was a roaring success due to the hard work put in by the officers and Widders involved. Our host, outgoing NGH Jim "Bullseye" Bailey, along with incoming NGH Luis "Vaquero" Bouza and his crew put on a "Redneck Prom" that would be the envy of rednecks everywhere. Kyle "Big Whiskey" Calloway and his lovely Widder, Shelley were voted King and Queen of the Prom. Brandi Munuzgoren Bailey was voted Widder of the Year by our Greybeards for putting up with both PXL and Jim for the whole year. Kathy Chapman won the Widder's Grand Prize of $300, and Lucky Luis Bouza won the Clamper Grand Prize of a year of free Clamping with PXL, including admission for two to next year's Widders' Ball.

A pretty much splendid time was had by all in attendance, and many got to shake their booties to the stylings of Official PXL DJ Carlos "Spinner" Lemus. Spinner outdid himself with the music mix this year. If we get any better at putting on these good times we may have to have a function every weekend.

Prom Couple!

Speaking of functions the Fall Doin's is tentatively set for October 21-23, 2016. We are working hard to procure BSA Camp Whitsett for our weekend event. Expect the weather in the Sierra's above Kernville to be as great as the time you'll have Clamping under the pines. For those of you that haven't been there before, Camp Whitsett is a fun place with plenty of shade and a lake that hopefully will contain water. (As we discovered in 2010, Lake Ida has a plug!) So plan on joining your brother Redshirts for a rollicking weekend of ECV tomfoolery up in the mountains, showing Mother Nature what a good time is all about.

Getting back to the near future, here is bit more info about Clamping at the Sh*t Howdy Ranch next month. Please keep in mind that we get to use this nice spot through the kindness of Al and Jayne Price. It is a working ranch, so please be vigilant about shutting any gates you may open, not interfering with any livestock you encounter, and keeping any dogs you may bring under proper control at all times. This is a dry camp, so ensure you have adequate water for drinking and whatever other perverted things you may do with it. Burn barrels are allowed, but make sure you scrape an 8 foot circle clear all around the barrel and have a bucket of water to put out any stray hot spots or Clampers that may catch alight. Once again, make sure you have what you need to be happy and comfy, as the nearest store is 25 miles away, and what are the odds of you being sober enough to drive that far?

Carlos 'Spinner' Lemus.

Don't forget your tequila, your gallon jug, and your citrus so you, and whatever motley crew you can assemble to help, will be able to form the circle and make some Yucca. We'd like as many teams as possible to participate in the Yucca-off after dinner on Friday night. There will be plenty of grease in Saturday morning's breakfast to counter the aftereffects of the contest, so plan on shaking away. If you want your PBC to help, just make sure your towel isn't red. You know, red. Just like your face gets after a few Yuccas.

Now that PBCs are on the table, if you're not bringing one, reconsider. They are the lifeblood of our organization, and think how much fun it is instructing them. Besides, the Greybeards will need them to push their wheelchairs in a few years. So bring a friend into the light and have some fun in the bargain. For more information about our PBC requirements, including the PBC Handbook, don't forget to visit our registration page for enlightenment.

Noble Grand Widder, Brandi Bailey!

We look forward to seeing all that can attend Sh*t Howdy Ranch on April 15-17, where you can have more fun than Dickhead and his friends in their leather aprons. Get your caravan on the road early so as to maximize the fun time! Gates open early Friday morning, and Petey's Flying Circus starts Clampsite assembly about 10 a.m. Your help is always appreciated. Again, for more information make sure to visit our registration page where you'll find links to all you'll need to know about Clamping with PXL and our outing to Sh*t Howdy Ranch.

Finally we'll be headed to Sonora (the one in California, not the one down Old Mexico way) the weekend of May 20-22, for ECV's Grand Council, to be held at the Sonora County Fairgrounds. For those of you unfamiliar with "GC," It's the annual board meeting of E Clampus Vitus, Incorporated. It's a time when the new Sublime Officers are chosen, and current Humbugs are expected to be there to report on their chapters' activities.

All Graybeards are welcome, as each is a permanent member of the council, but it is also a time to extend hospitality to other chapters and to meet those most active in ECV, including their Widders. The Hawker Faire is also a big deal, with many chapters represented and plenty of opportunities to barter for new items. We typically have someone snag us a good spot near the meeting hall ahead of time and assemble our pop-ups in a place that is convenient for old friends to drop by and visit.

If you would like to join us, even if you are not a Graybeard, and especially if you aspire to move up the ranks, your help and attendance will be appreciated. Please give VNGH Dale Turner a call so we can count you in.

Email Timbo.

Timbo Gillespie, XXNGH -- "PXL Clamp Crier"
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Posted 3.6.16 -- By MGM

Click to go to Registration Page!

Hello, Brothers! We want to make sure that everybody gets the chance to sign-up for our Spring Doin's at Sh*t Howdy Ranch so we've made it super-duper easy! All you have to do it click on the black announcement card here to your left to get to our handy-dandy Registration Page. That's where you'll find all the links you'll need to learn about our plans to Clamp in Walker Basin the weekend of April 15th. You can snail mail your application and rub, or sign-up electronically over the internet and use Paypal to lock-in our special prepay rate for you and your PBC. A Clampout with Peter Lebeck is one of the best things going in all of Clamperdom so it's an opportunity that you won't want to miss. In the meantime, we'll soldier on with our rebuild of the website, including the latest version of the PXL CLOG, which should be along in a few days. So make sure to check back soon!

Posted 3.3.16 -- By MGM

The CLOG is due, as is a major update to the website. Watch for it, it's just a few days away! Click on the Spring Doin's banner above to download the latest version of Peter's Procs including sign-up information for Sh*t Howdy Ranch. Electronic sign-up will be available shortly. Thanks for your patience.

Posted 1.18.16 -- By MGM

Last Call Widders' Ball!

The guys are getting the Homewood ready for one of the best all day parties in all of Clamperdom, Saturday, January 30th, in Bakersfield. But our 2016 Peter Lebeck Widders' Ball would hardly be as good without you. For one thing, you would hardly enjoy it as much if you weren't there plus, we'd miss you. So won't you please go the Widders' Ball registration page and sign-up. The deadline is this Friday, January 22nd. After that we can't guarantee they'll be space for you at the Ball.

If you've already committed but haven't sent in your rub or payed using Paypal, you're in the same boat with the stragglers. So make sure the send in your dust ASAP to lock-in your registration. YOU MUST USE THE PICTURE BUTTONS below the brown registration form to pay through Paypal.

Remember the party starts at 3 p.m. with our afternoon hospitality - libations and snacks are included - followed by dinner and dancing 'til midnight. Lots of good friends, a D.J. and an open bar. What more could you and your sweetie ask for?

This year's theme is "a Redneck Prom Night." So whether your dinner dress is formal, period or redneck'ed wild, you won't want to miss the PXL event of the year. Your friends and relations are also welcome. Just go to our 2016 Widders' Ball Page for more information including how to reserve a room for the night at a special rate. See you there!

URGENT!

Our Annual Corporate Meeting will be held the morning of the Widders' Ball at 10 a.m. in the Homewood Suites conference room, 1505 Mill Rock Way, Bakersfield. Phone: 661/664-0400 All members are welcome. Graybeards, officers and functionaries should plan to devote about an hour of their time to this important activity which is required by our bylaws and the state of California to maintain our corporate charter. All active Graybreads are strongly encouraged to attend as a quorum is necessary to complete the agenda. Please check last month's Widders' Ball mailer for the order of business or download a full copy of Peter's Proc's by clicking on this link. Following the meeting a few minutes of your time to get the room ready for the afternoon's Hospitality will be greatly appreciated.

Szot!

We are very displeased to announce that our Bestest Brother and Favorite Curmudgeon, Joe Szot, won't be able to make it to the Widders' Ball due to a serious illness. Joe suffered two strokes about three weeks ago, possibly related to the bite of a recluse spider. Gene Duncker tells us that Joe is stable and is due to be transferred from Kaiser Zion Hospital in San Diego to a treatment facility, where Joe will undergo several weeks of rehab - the kind without twelve step meetings.

According to Gene who spoke to Joe a few days ago, "He's still paralyzed on his left side, so his speech is slurred a bit. But, his voice sounded strong, and his spirits are up. Doctors say he has a constricted blood vessel in the back of his head. As of yet, they're not sure how to handle it. They have him on blood thinner meds for the time being."

Joe keeps his cell phone by his side and Gene is encouraging his Brothers to call. "Joe would love to hear from his fellow Clampers. May I suggest that if you do call please keep the conversation short and sweet. Don't be gabbing on and on and on and for God's sake don't pull his chain."

Anyone who's followed the CLOG over the years knows very well that both Joe and Gene are often the subjects of some mostly gentle ribbing. Both have done some very good things for the chapter, including much hard work on behalf of Peter Lebeck over the last twenty-five years. You can kinda say that they both deserve to be messed with as a sign of Clamper respect.

But Joe is my "go-to guy," my special meme, when I need to get the point across about something serious. Not having Joe around here would leave a big gaping hole both in our chapter and in the CLOG because Joe is Joe. He's one of a kind, and no one could ever replace him.

So keep Joe in your thoughts and prayers, and let's hope we'll be seeing him up and about as soon as can be. If you'd like to send Joe a get well card or give him a call, Here's how to do it, "Joe Szot, XNGH, 7345 Mt. Vernon ST, Lemon Grove, CA 91945. " Cell: 661-965-7663

Email MGM.

MGM, XNGH -- "Recording No Cyber Before Its Time."
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Contact Info and Official ECV Chapter Website Links

For more information contact:

Mark "Pokey" Crawford, NGH (661) 993-7907 or Crawford562@Yahoo.com

Kevn "No Eye" Horton, VNGH (661) 472-0414 or ThePXLstore@yahoo.com

Al "The Quack" Price, Clampatriarch (661) 867-2414 or apsocalal4@gmail.com

 

Mike "MGM" Ramirez-Mares, Cyberrecorder (818) 517-8781 or Cyberrecorder@ECV1866.org

Click on the Shield to go ECV's Official Chapter Websites.

Cyber Whang -- Official Clamper Chapter Websites on the Net
Don't worry, Pete.  You'll get him on points!

E Clampus Vitus, ECV and Clampers, are registered trade marks and used by permission of E Clampus Vitus, Inc. All rights are reserved.

The Ancient and Honorable Order of E Clampus Vitus®