Peter Lebeck Chapter #1866

Why Brite Lake, you say? Because Stupid Lake was booked up? No, Bro', it's because PXL doesn't do stupid. Besides, most of us are smarter than a fifth grader and we're ready to level up. The question is, are you?

If that's the case, then won't you please join us the weekend of April 28-30, 2017, when the Brothers of your favorite piss poor bear wrassler, Peter Lebeck, will be meeting in Tehachapi for our 2017 Spring Doin's. Our Humbug, Dale "Top" Turner, has picked a real doozy. He wore out his new knee pads begging Tehachapi Valley Recreation & Parks to let us come Clamping at Brite Lake, and now you can be the beneficiary of all that groveling. Words to the wise. It ain't easy being the Humbug at PXL so you need to make this one happen! OK?

Springtime makes Brite Lake one of the choicest spots in all of Kern County as it prominently features - are you ready? -- water with fish in it. In fact "Top" is offering his world famous "Water with Fish in It" Guarantee to everyone who ventures out to our Spring Doin's. Truth be told we're still smarting from Fall 2012 when some Boy Scout heard we were headed up to Camp Whitsett and pulled the plug on Lake Ida before we could pop the cork back in.

Well that's not going to happen this time. As Top says, Brite Lake is the ideal place to experience the "Sweetness of Doing Nothing." It's actually a reservoir in the Tehachapi Mountains, and while you shouldn't swim, boat, or kayak in it, fishing is OK, but you'll need a fishing license if you want the trout and bass to have their way with you.

The parks people have agreed to rope off the area around Pavilion 3 for our use so we should have no problems engaging in our usual shenanigans. There's plenty of room for RVs and tents, though don't expect any hook-ups. You'll also want to bring whatever water and shade you'll need, plus clothing for those cool mountain evenings. Bringing a propane heater would also be a good idea. Wood for the fire ring is also good, but no dogs or burn barrels this trip.

The other thing you'll want to bring is a PBC. Top has a great crew taking care of business this year, including "Scoop the Hangman" who has a great sense of humor. If you've ever wanted to have a friend taken in, now is the time, and PXL is the place to do it.

At PXL we don't do dirty, but we do make sure that candidates experience our camaraderie first hand on Friday so that they know why becoming a Clamper is one of the best things that could ever happen to a man. On Saturday we put the newbies through their paces. We give them lots of history and celebrate their ordeal with one of the finest HOCOs in all of Clamperdom. By Saturday evening every survivor knows brotherhood and that brotherhood has its rewards. He's also guaranteed to know which side of his bread has Bondo on it.

If you've ever been to one of our Doin's then you know us Lebeckians as a bunch of friendly guys of different backgrounds and persuasions. "From Brain Surgeons to Drain Surgeons," as our Clampatriarch Emeritus, Timbo Gillespie likes to say. We make a point of making visitors feel welcome, and we aren't so big that you'll ever feel lost at one of our Doin's. In fact, about half of our members have come to us from other chapters because they feel at home with us.

But we do want to keep our chapter vibrant with new, quality brethren, particularly if they will make PXL their home base from the start, and that's what we're pitching this trip. In that vein we have delayed a proposed $20 increase to our PBC rub, which even at twice the price is a steal. For now it remains $75 if he prepays.

As for you Redshirts, due to increased expenses we've had to raise our rub $10. It probably should have been $20, but we didn't want to leave behind any Brothers on a tight budget. Those extra bucks will help make sure we break even, and hopefully give us more flexibility about where we go and what we do next.

But if you happen to have some extra dust weighing you down, don't be shy about visiting our Clampstore where our Hawker "No Eye," and his Tackles, Kodi and "Man Handles," will take satisfactory care of you. You (and your wallet) will be "enlightened" by the experience, believe me.

So come on up to Brite Lake! Top has a great weekend of "nothing" planned for all of us starting with Friday afternoon's Hot Tottie Meet 'n' Greet, where VNGH "Doc" Wallace will be presenting his research into GROGS served aboard Phoenician Men O' War, during the 5th Century Achaemenid (Persian) Empire.

But just in case you didn't know already, PXL is a BYOB Chapter, so if you'd like to bring something to help lubricate Doc's rather dry presentation, that should help him get a good start - - though it's not likely to do much for Doc's forehand. But never fear! For that we have Clamps Hostrix, "Mitre Box" Langley, who will act as master of ceremonies, and also clean up the place. So meet them both at the libations center at 5:58 pm. You'll have a great start to a fun evening.

Friday Dinner will be hot pasta topped by Airdale's favorite red sauce and Imported Donkey Sausage, followed by our famous Yucca-Off, and lots of lies, jokes, drunken cowboy poetry and off-key singing. You're contributions never go unrewarded - so it's best to offer up your PBC in your stead before taking the plunge yourself.

On Saturday Top thinks we ought to be able to sleep in for a change. As part of his campaign to promote the Zen of doing nothing, the PBCs and PXL Graybeards will be cooking our "famous potluck breakfast" for brunch, which will be served about 10:21 am. Contribute what you can please, but leave the eggs at home so the chickens don't miss them. Also keep in mind that on this trip we won't be eating dinner until 5:00 pm, and that the HOCO is set for 7:15 pm at night.

If you have a PBC, make sure he comes prepared! As his sponsor it is your responsibility to provide him with a bribe if didn't bring one, and to cram him full of a five minute history presentation if he did not prepare one. We don't ask a lot, but we do expect your PBC to stand and deliver. Any guy can wear a watermelon on his head, get oatmeal poured down his pants or crawl though the "tunnel of luv," but all that teaches a PBC is that Clampers are sadistic a**h****. The real test is whether your guy can look us in the eye and show us that he is worthy to be one of us. By 2:33 pm, everybody will be on deck to see him perform and you do not want to end up being the goat, you want to be the hero.

When you sign-up, whether by internet or snail mail, make sure you specify a dinner preference between Ribeye steak, BBQ Chicken or the Marcel Marceau pantomime special. As usual dinner comes with all the fixxin's, including Timbo's double award winning Clamper Beans.

Finally we'll be wrapping up our planned Saturday Night festivities with a short raffle at 8:15 pm, followed by more shenanigans. All in all we expect it to be a most memorable weekend, or at least one you'll tell others you sort of remember as one of the greatest Clampouts of all time.

Make sure you make the April 21st sign-up deadline or it's a $1000 more at the gate and we send you home without your rims and spare tire. Just go to our registration page to get started. It's where the rubber meets the road!

 

To read about Clamping with Peter Lebeck in Kern County, just read on.