Brutha's Brutha's Brutha's in RED!!!!!!!!!!
Hopefully you all are recovered from our Spring Doin's and ready to get your clamp on again!!!!!
We've had a heck of a year starting out with our Redneck Red Carpet Widder's Ball. Our Plaquapalooza turned out to be a most satisfactory time. Then we had the Spring Rumble on the Ridge Route at Fort Tejon. Luckily the only rumbling heard up on the Grapevine was our stomachs before dinner, which was most ably cured by XXNGH Brother Timbo Gillespie, our Clampcook. Our "Pole in the Hole" event on May 9th, warmed the Clamping hearts up in Frasier Park. And we were well represented by Señor Dickhead in Sonora at Grand Council. Now it's time to move on to our Fall Doin's so…
Camp Okihi here we come, right back where the river runs. Red Shirts will be Clampin' there, somewhere you'll find a beer to share.
That's as good as it gets from me in the rhythm department, but anyway, you get the point. Come October 9-11 we'll have some special events planned for the river. (AND NO … WE ARE NOT ENCOURAGING ANYONE -- "DICKHEAD" INCLUDED - TO STRIPDOWN TO THEIR SKIVIES OR LESS, APRONS OR NO APRONS! MOTHER WARNED US WE COULD GO BLIND AND WE'RE NOT ABOUT TO CHANCE IT! )
On Friday night Dale "Captain America" Turner is honchoing a very special cook crew of ECV Brothers who have bravely served our Great Nation. The PXL veterans' squad is going to prepare a most excellent meal and we hope you will join us for that. As always, Friday Night Dinner is on us.
Also on Friday night we need to get serious about a specialty drink, so we are going to have a contest and I am going to have a super cool Clamper top prize for the winner. Given the Pirate Motif, a bottle of rum is just for starters. Being on the river near Oildale gets my hillbilly mind working, so in addition to a drink contest let's see how many of our Brothers in Red can customize and accessorize a red redneck hillbilly shirt for the occasion. Again I will provide a prize for the best shirt that is ClampTastic! Both contests will be on Friday night so come prepared.
On Saturday some of the best food in all of Clamperdom will fuel us through the day's festivities, beginning with the Graybeards' Potluck Breakfast, then on to my "John Holmes Memorial Weenie Roast" for lunch and finally Timbo's "All the Fixin's One Pound Ribeye" Plate for Dinner.
In between, our Grand Imperturbable Hangman, Andrew "Stagecoach" Vialpando, will be testing the PBC's to see if they are worthy of our fine order, including a stop at our Graybeards' Examination where you provide the laughter and our Poor Blind Candidates provide the liquid lubrication.
Throughout the day, while those PBCs will be humpin' and bumpin', the rest of us will be doing what Clampers do best -- eating, drinking, talking sh*t, and Clamp'nappin' right next to the fracking fields of Oildale.
I guarantee -- and you can take my word as Humbug -- the ground will move for you.
So come see us on the river, or we fear something very unfortunate could become of you if you fail to make this event. I need Marlon Brando to read that last line to make it make sense. ARGHHH!