The Brothers of PXL Invite You to Join Us
As We Plaque the Kern County Fair
At Our 2018 Spring Doin's,"Redshirts at the Fair!"
April 12-15, 2018, in Bakersfield, California
So if we are going to the fair, but the fair isn't until September, why are we going in April? Well the short answer is that we were invited by the fair to plaque the fair, and we'd be right fairly pleased to have you join us, Thursday through Sunday, April 12-15th, as we celebrate "Redshirts at the Fair" -- PXL's 57th Annual Spring Doin's!
So as promised, here's the skinny on the fair. The Kern County Agricultural Fair, usually just called the "The Fair," has been going on since 1916. It typically last for 12 days and happens every September. The Kern County Fair and Event Center, which is also often just called "The Fair," was established at its present location in 1956, and comprises 160 acres of event space that includes show rings, exhibit buildings, grandstands and even RV Parking. Events are held at The Fair year round -- everything from concerts to car and livestock shows, and exhibitions of just about any kind you can think of.
When our Humbug, Doc Wallace, discovered that in its entire 102 year history no one had even plaqued the Fair, he called the people at California's "15th District Agricultural Association," which owns, operates and does business as "The Kern County Fair," to see if they would be interested in having us memorialize Fair history. The Fair enthusiastically agreed, and in appreciation the Peter Lebeck Chapter of E Clampus Vitus has been invited by the Fair to the Fair, where we will dedicate a plaque to the Fair on Saturday morning of our Spring Doin's. Capiche?
So won't you join the Brothers of your favorite piss poor bear wrassler, Peter Lebeck, for an extended weekend at the Kern County Fair and Event Center, in Bakersfield? This is one you won't want to miss and access to this one is easy. The fairgrounds are in town. We'll be Clamping on flat ground along a tree lined private access road behind the main grandstand. We'll have the place pretty much to ourselves. The area is grassy, with plenty of room for tents and RVs, and the Fair has agreed to provide optional electricity and water hook-ups for $25 a night. We'll even have free access to showers and flush potties. And while no one is going to let us dig a fire pit in the show ring, burn barrels are allowed, but please, no dogs, retreads or whiney PBCs.
Early arrivals will be welcome starting 12 noon on Thursday, April 12th, but if you come early you'll want to bring enough victuals to tide you over until Friday Dinner, when Peter Lebeck will roll out our famous weekend feedbag. But if you arrive early, don't despair; no one ever gets lonesome at a PXL Clampout. We'll be firing up the big communal grill on Thursday afternoon. Bring some meat and your favorite libation; you'll be joining a manly bull session like no other in Clamperdom. Bring a little extra to share, especially if you have a favorite recipe, and the bull (bear, snake or whatever) is really gonna fly.
Friday afternoon you won't want to miss the Humbug's Meet 'n' Greet at 5:03 PM, at the PXL Tittie Bar, followed by a chicken and barbequed rib dinner at the Cook Shack, prepared by Brother Carlos Lemus and the Spinner Brigade. We'll end the night's fun with an "open mic" -- Clamper Poetry, Redshirt Tales, Karaoke and whatever else tickles your fancy.
Saturday morning you'll want to get up for our Graybeards Potluck Breakfast. We provide the eggs, you bring us your breakfast meat and other goodies, and our Graybeards and newbie cook crew will whip it up into something yummy. For lunch expect Clampshef Airdale Miller's slow-clamped pulled pork sandwiches, while for dinner you get your choice of ribeye steak or barbequed chicken with all the fixin's.
So what will this cost you, you ask? Well if you get your rub in to us by April 6th, it's $65 for Redshirts and $75 for PBCs. While you can still pay at the gate, it's $15 more if you miss the deadline. Remember, Peter Lebeck does not provide alcohol, but at this price you can't go wrong. The Humbug has also reserved 80 copies of the pin of the day for the first 80 eighty guys who send in their dust. Last year's spring doin's at Tehachapi nearly topped 100, so you want to act on this now!
The other thing you'll want to bring is a PBC. Doc has a great crew taking care of business this fall, honchoed by our Hangman, Scott "Curley" Gow, who has a great sense of humor. If you've ever wanted to have a friend taken in, PXL is the place to do it.
At PXL we don't do dirty, but we do make sure that candidates experience our camaraderie first hand so that they know why becoming a Clamper is one of the best things that could ever happen to a man. PBCs are free to fraternize with the Brethren through Friday night, but on Saturday we get them up early and put them through their paces. We emphasize service, brotherhood and history, and on Saturday night we'll celebrate your PBCs ordeal with one of the finest HOCOs in all of Clamperdom, produced by our Clampsthespian, Dave "Boulder" Staley.
What we do ask of sponsors is that they make sure that their PBC is familiar with the PBC Handbook, has a bribe fit to impress our board and that he be ready to deliver a five minute history presentation, real or otherwise. As his sponsor it is your responsibility to provide him with a bribe if didn't bring one, and to cram him full of a five minute history presentation if he did not prepare one. We don't ask a lot, but we do expect your PBC to stand and deliver before the Redshirts assembled.
Any fool can wear a watermelon on his head, get oatmeal poured down his pants or crawl though the "tunnel of luv," but all that even teaches a PBC is that Clampers are a bunch of sadistic a**h****, and what begets one, begets the other. The real Clamper test is whether your guy can look us in the eye and show us that he is worthy of a Red Shirt. Brotherhood should mean just that, and we only want those whose friendship you value and are worthy to be taken in. By 2:33 p.m. on Saturday, everybody will be on deck to see your would be Brother perform and you do not want to end up being the goat, you want to be the hero.
If you've ever been to one of our Doin's then you know us Lebeckians as a bunch of friendly guys of different backgrounds and persuasions. "From Brain Surgeons to Drain Surgeons," as our Clampatriarch Emeritus, Timbo Gillespie likes to say. We make a point of making visitors feel welcome, and we aren't so big that you'll ever feel lost at one of our Doin's. In fact, about half of our members have come to us from other chapters because they feel at home with us. So if you've never been to a Lebeck Doin's, or haven't been for a while, now's the time to come on by. We'll leave the gate open for you. Just go to our registration page to get started. See you at the Fair!
To read about Clamping with Peter Lebeck in Kern County, just read on.
ABOUT CLAMPING WITH PETER LEBECK
Kern County is a big place and it covers all kinds of terrain: from the driest portions of the Mojave Desert, to the snowiest pine forests of the Sierra Nevada; from the oak woodlands of Walker Basin to the still wild grasslands of the San Joaquin Valley. Then of course there is Fort Tejon, Pine Mountain, the Kern River Valley, the Tehachapis, and…you get the drift. Kern County IS a BIG and interesting place.
And needless to say, we do try to get around. So if you are looking for something different, always make sure to look us up when you are planning your Clamping Calendar. If you've Clamped the desert, try the mountains. If you've Clamped the mountains, try the desert. But always make an effort check with us because we may be going someplace you'd really, really enjoy, and we do get around.
PXL Clampouts are not so large that you'll ever feel lost, and not so small that you'll ever feel like you're crashing someone's private party. Brothers visiting from other chapters are always made to feel welcome, and we especially encourage you to drop by if you live in Kern County or the adjoining areas of southern and central California.
At Peter Lebeck we plan two, full-weekend Clampouts every year, one in the spring and the other in the fall, and we favor overnight outings because we believe it is the surest way to make sure that each of our Brothers makes it home safely. At Peter Lebeck we also believe that Clamping is as much about plaquing as it is about camping and camaraderie, so we try to mount at least one erection every year and we try to Clamp near by. So won't you join us for the adventure? We'll make sure you get an extra helping of Timbo's beans.