The Greybeards of PXL, in Communion with
Our Noble Grand Humbug Al "The Quack" Price
Invite You to Our 58th Spring Doin's for a
May 2-5, 6023 (2019 C.E.)
Brother Joe Szot always hated it when I'd post "La Marseillaise" on the CLOG Page, and that's because our favorite Polish curmudgeon from Chicago didn't just hate Napoleons and café au lait, he had a secret wish to be Mexican, and now for Cinco de Mayo so can you! All you have to do is join you favorite Brothers of that Pisspoor Bear Wrassler, Peter Le Beck, as we head to the mountains for our four day Cinco de Mayo celebration!
No, Cinco de Mayo isn't Mexican Independence Day, but is the day in 1862 that a crafty Chicano from Texas named Zaragoza and 5,000 of his best buds kicked a whole lot of French butt at Puebla, giving the entire western hemispere an excellent excuse to drink beer. Or drink whatever you'd like, though it's best to leave the cognac at home. Otherwise we're easy. Just don't miss out because Sh*t Howdy Ranch in Walker Basin is beautiful in the spring, and we'd love to see you there. Pay by April 22nd to save $15. --MGM
- Register by Mail or Over the Internet
- Weekend Event Schedule
- PBC Requirements and Handbook
- Rules for the Weekend
- Directions to Sh*t Howdy Ranch
- About Walker Basin and Clampin' at the Sh*t Howdy
- A Personal Invitation from Our Humbug
- Heck, Just Give Me the Flyer Already!
- Whom to Contact for More Information
Or click on the red arrow to continue.
Preregister and Save $15!
Brother, one of the best weekends to be had in all of Clamperdom can be yours for as little as $65, plus $75 for your PBC, but your dust must be in our hands ahead of our Spring Clampout to get this special rate. Use Paypal and we'll honor this price as late as Monday morning, April 19th but snail mail applications and your dust must be in our hand no later than Monday, when our GDR goes to check the mail box. For snail mail we recommend postmarking no later than Friday, April 19th to avoid the "gate tax." After that it's $15 more, and we won't care if you're Sid, an XNGH or Joe Szot's dog made you pee on your Procs -- No exceptions!
Both your dust and an application form are required to secure our special rate. To register fill out and return our Infallible Fillable Flyer or use our handy electronic form below. We'll accept your dust by mail or Paypal. And remeber, regardless of how you sign-up, if your jackass gets sick, just call or email us at Registration@ECV1866.org before the start of the weekend, and our GDR will make sure you're comped for next time.
ECV Brothers who are on Active Military Duty who preregister by the prepay deadline get in free. Just mention it on your registration form and make sure to bring along with your military ID and a copy of your current orders.
All Chapter Hawkers are welcome to ply their goods. But be prepared to do some trading.
Sponsors should include a waiver form for each of their PBCs. Redshirts should include one for themselves if we don't already have one on file from a prior doin's. These waivers are an ECV wide policy imposed by Grand Council to help keep E Clampus Vitus in existence. Click here to read the waiver.
Are you a PBC paying separately from your Sponsor? No Problem! Just make sure to include your sponsor's name on the memo portion of your check or in the Paypal comment box. Postmark or Paypal by the deadline to get the early discount.
You can mail your application and rub to our Grand Noble Recorder at: Peter Lebeck #1866, c/o Kevn "No Eye" Horton, GNR, P.O. Box 1866, Tehachapi, CA 93581, You can also Email your application to Registration@ECV1866.org, and use our Paypal Portal by clicking --><-- here.
SH*T HOWDY RANCH SCHEDULE OF EVENTS GOOD ZOUAVES LEAVE THEIR FRANCS AT THE DOOR
Thurs, May 2: Gates will be open at 1200 (12 noon) for those pitching in to set-up, but you're on your own foodwise until Friday Dinner. We'll have a hot BBQ grill for your meat at dinner time Thursday, but it's 25 miles to the nearest market so plan accordingly.
FIRE BARRELS ARE OKAY as long as you clear an 8 ft area around the barrel, have a fire extinguisher or bucket of water at hand & a SHOVEL available. DO NOT LEAVE ANYTHING BURNING WHILE UNATTENDED.
Fri, May 3: Open at 0700 (7:am) for Redshirts & PBC's. You will be on your own for breakfast & lunch.
10:00 am & 4:31 pm: Early Check-In at our Early Check-in Table.
5:03 pm: XNGHs join the Humbug at the PXL Tittie Bar for a Greybeards' meeting.
6:03 pm: Mexican dinner, tacos, beans, and rice --- A Fiesta before Siesta! Sorry NO FRENCH FRIES.
8:07 pm: PBCs must present themselves to the Hangman for survival instruction by the NGH &VNGH at the Bar.
8:15 pm: Clamper Poetry, Redshirt Tales & Karaoke.
PBCs should get a good SOBER night's sleep. Saturday is going to be a loooong day.
Sat, May 4: A great day of Clamping with the Brothers...
5:31 am: All PBCs report to the cookshack for our XNGH breakfast preparation/bonding ritual.
8:03 am: Potluck breakfast - We provide the EGGS! You bring sausage, ham, potatoes, tortillas, salsa, bacon, etc. Our cook team will prepare a meal guaranteed to cleanse your colon.PBCs to do the clean-up.
9:01 am: - PBC & sponsor check-in at the cookshack. PBCs will be Clean & Sober -- NO EYE OPENERS! Sponsors will enforce compliance. From here on in, PBCs who drink anything alcoholic prior to the Hall of Comparative Ovations will be denied Entry!
9:06 am: Redshirt check-in at the Check In Table (No Grub-stub, no meals). No Kiddin'.
9:33 am: - Our Historian will impart an ECV History Lesson to our would-be Brethren – All Redshirts are welcome.
Noonish: Lunch at the cookshack. PBCs always eat first, help serve when done, and then do the clean-up.
2:33 pm: PBC interrogations, entertainment, bribes, presentations, tomfoolery, etc.
4:03 pm: Necrology Ceremony (if needed) & Hall of Comparative Ovations (HOCO).
7:15 pm: Dinner a la "Airdale" - Ex-PBC's / just became new Clampers - but they're still on kitchen duty!
9:15 pm: Raffle and Fireside fun - stories, jokes, male bonding, pass the bottle and the usual BS.
Sun, May 5: The PXL dreaded "morning after."
7:00 am: A continental breakfast at the cook tent. Aspirin & Rolaids for those who survived.
8:09 am: Camp clean-up. Everybody helps, from XSNGH to XPBC!
10:06 am: Drive back to the real world. But do it SOBER!!
The Brothers are reminded that all PBCs are guests of PXL, and PBC harassment is not allowed at any time by anyone other than our Hangman and his Vigilantes. PBCs are invited to meet and party with the Brothers on Friday, but from the time of their arrival PBCs will remain under the exclusive control and protection of our Hangman. No Exceptions!
Click on the red arrow to continue.
"OUR HANGMAN SEZ!" Special PBC Requirements
ALL SPONSORS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FOLLOWING:
All PBCs must be disclosed to us by April 19th. Call or write the Hangman. Do not rely on the mail. We are not accepting "walk-in" PBCs this trip, and whether your PBC is expected to survive or not, we need his name so we can prepare the appropriate certificates.
All PBC's must check in with our Grand Imperturbable Hangman Mark "Scoop" Mutz upon entering the Clampsite regardless of the hour. On Friday night at 8:07, all PBCs in camp must report to the cookshack for survival instructions from the Hangman and inspection by our Humbug and his Vice. Sorry, no Retreads this trip either.
Any infirmities that might affect your PBC's ability to do moderately physical tasks MUST be disclosed to the Hangman. Vertigo, bad knees, bad ticker, claustrophobia, diabetes, all that stuff counts. No Exceptions! Failure to disclose could result in sheepskin denial and suspension of the PBC's sponsor.
Our initiation is not an endurance test! If you have a friend who wants to join PXL but has health issues we will figure out a way to get him through the initiation, but a failure to disclose a PBC's health problems endangers your PBC, it endangers us, and is not appreciated by anyone except those that want ECV® to go bye-bye.
ALL PBCs must have a bribe and a five minute historical presentation for our Board of Inquiry. Also PBCs may not wear RED until after completing their sacred ordeal. Finally, membership is open only to men 21 or older with good attitudes. These rules provide for the safety and fair treatment of your friend. As his sponsor it is your responsibility to make sure that he complies. Our initiation is supposed to be a mind f**k. Do as you're told and no one gets hurt.
ALL PBCs ARE ADVISED:
That from the time of their arrival all PBCs are guests of the Brothers of Peter Lebeck, ECV and will be under the protection and control of our Hangman & his Vigilantes.
As is our custom at PXL, PBCs may fraternize with the Brethren on Friday but must show good attitude and submit to the directions of the Hangman from the time of their arrival, including being of service when so instructed by our Hangman.
All PBCs in Camp on Saturday Morning must report to the Cookshack as instructed for Kitchen Duty on pain of foregoing initiation. Last call for late arrival PBCs is 8:03 a.m. Saturday morning. PBCs must be knowledgeable of all educational materials provided to them, especially the Handbook, be prepared to stand and deliver before our Board of Inquiry, and remain sober throughout the initiation. No Exceptions!
PXL adheres to all Grand Council Rules which will be strictly enforced. It will be a clean, but memorable initiation as befits our Honorable Order.
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These are the Rules--So Read 'em!
RULES FOR THE WEEKEND- read & follow them: This is a working cattle ranch. If you open a gate, close it!!!!! Keep your dogs in the Clampsite and away from all livestock. Fires will be allowed in burn barrels so long as conditions permit, but you MUST clear 8 feet around the barrel and have a shovel and a bucket of water or fire extinguisher within reach. A phone is available for emergencies but you will be out of cell range so plan accordingly. This is a dry camp, so bring Plenty of WATER!!!
DO BRING: Water, shade, firewood, raffle/auction prizes, stuff for Saturday's potluck breakfast (but not eggs), libations for yourselves and your Brothers, good PBCs, ideas for PBC games, paper towels and trash bags. The closest grocery store is 25 miles away through mountain roads so don't forget your stuff! Please bring a contribution of ladies personal hygiene items for the women and school supplies for the kids at the shelter in Bakersfield.
DON'T BRING: Dope, firearms, explosives (including females), eggs, weaponry, anyone under 21, pissy PBCs or any of the usual No-Nos. Violation means expulsion without refund. So, don't risk it. This applies to EVERYONE!
ALL PBCs must have a bribe for the board and an historical presentation, as well as their dust. PBCs will submit to the authority of our Hangman upon entry to the Clampsite and remain under his control - NO EXCEPTIONS! There will be absolutely NO PBC Harassment on Friday Night, and no RETREADS THIS TRIP! Sponsors and PBCs are responsible for knowing the rules set out above!
NOTE: This chapter respects and adheres to the rules for initiation set out by the Board of Proctors of E Clampus Vitus®, Inc. Our conclaves are clean, but memorable affairs -- should anybody actually try to remember.
BUT TRY AND REMEMBER THIS - The PXL bar has snacks, sodas, iced tea and water. Want more? Bring it yourself.
Click on the red arrow to get directions.
So You Want Directions?
Sh*t Howdy Ranch is in the mountains south of Lake Isabella Highway 178, and north of Highway 58, about halfway up the Caliente-Bodfish Road in a mountain valley called Walker Basin. We're being hosted by Humbug Al "The Quack" Price and his Widder Jayne, so go easy on the property. Sh*t Howdy is a beautiful place to Clamp and we'd like to be invited back. We've laid out two ways to get up there, but be careful on these mountain roads, and make sure to close any gates behind you to avoid being hung by the locals for abusing the cows.
From Bakersfield: Take SR 178 west through Kern River Canyon to the Bodfish/Havilah Exit. Turn right at the bottom of the off-ramp and continue until you dead end at Caliente-Bodfish Road, then turn right again. Follow Caliente-Bodfish Road for about 15 miles, up the mountain past Havilah, until it T-intersects with Walser Road. Turn left onto Walser and follow the asphalt for about 2 miles to Basin Street. Turn right onto Basin. There is a cattle gate that looks locked, it isn't. Unhook the chain and go through the gate. THEN CLOSE AND HOOK THE GATE. Leave it open and the cattle will thank you, but the locals will hunt you down and feed you to the chickens. Follow Basin ST to the end, it will curve left and become Redstone AV. Just look for the signs. The Clampsite will be on the right.
From Mojave or L.A.: Take SR 58 to the Caliente exit. Go north through Caliente for about five mile until you reach a fork in the Road. The left fork is the Caliente-Bodfish Road. Follow it up the mountain for about 9 miles until you reach the Rankin Ranch, where you'll turn right up Walker Basin Road. Follow that until you come to another Walker Basin Road (not a typo) where you will turn right again. Go to Basin Street and make another right. MAKE SURE TO CLOSE AND HOOK THE CATTLE GATE. Basin Street will curve to the left and become Redstone Ave. Just look for the signs. The Clampsite will be on the right.
For more information contact:
Al "The Quack" Price, NGH (661) 867-2414 or email@example.com
Mark "Pokey" Crawford, VNGH (661) 993-7907 or Crawford562@Yahoo.com
Myrl "Doc" Wallace, Clampatriarch (805) 937-0156 or BigWallace@comcast.net
Mike "MGM" Ramirez-Mares, Cyberrecorder (818) 517-8781 or Cyberrecorder@ECV1866.org